tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post4362763875740268126..comments2024-01-05T21:32:49.346-08:00Comments on Living with PMDD: More Tips For Partners Dealing With PMDDLiana at livingwithpmdd.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04527230725501073923noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-90871382406269168862018-08-13T00:10:04.575-07:002018-08-13T00:10:04.575-07:00Thanks so much for such a balanced look at this pr...Thanks so much for such a balanced look at this problem. It has help me through really rough times. It is difficult for me to deal the abuse and to not take it personal; your post has given me hope.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-48458033731179472022018-03-27T01:20:13.773-07:002018-03-27T01:20:13.773-07:00Hello Liana, I’ve read a lot of comments on here t...Hello Liana, I’ve read a lot of comments on here that lead to to believe there’s a chance for my girlfriend and I. We have a great relationship 2-3weeks of the month. But a week to 10 days before her period it all goes to hell, she nit picks at me telling me I’m immature and at times down right belittles me. I work away from home 28 days at a time so this makes it even harder. Right now she’s due to start her period any day now, she also lives with no thyroid so I know this affects things as well. The thing is when she’s freaking out and thinking about breaking up with me I go into panic mode, I mean she’s my partner and we do love each other. I don’t know any man who loves his spouse that wouldn’t worry. How do I go about mentioning this to her because when she’s being her normal self she will down right tell me she’s a crazed hormonal machine, but when she’s in this cycle she doesn’t think it’s her hormones and I am darn sure that it is. Please someone help me out hereAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-68456004615610348312018-02-18T01:40:26.779-08:002018-02-18T01:40:26.779-08:00Has anyone tried taking starflower? I have had thi...Has anyone tried taking starflower? I have had this for years - not just "normal" pms but ridiculous uncontainable rage. They say its associated with a history of trauma and abuse. When I started on starflower it stopped. I also have to avoid dairy and gluten for other health reasons and I find if I cheat it gets way worse later on in the month. When I came off starflower, I was ok for a few months now it's back with avengence and I am basically an abusive nightmare for 1&1/2 weeks. Partner is tired and depressed himself. Feel terrible, that he would be better off without me. My feeling is that the hormones are out of whack due to some earlier suffering/stress. The endocrine system is interconnected so adrenal exhaustion will effect the production of other hormones. Starflower really seems to help. Hard to believe, but true for me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-86571003861194185202017-10-26T21:00:39.199-07:002017-10-26T21:00:39.199-07:00I honestly want to help my wife with this, but isn...I honestly want to help my wife with this, but isn't that part of the problem? If she wont admit she's going through an ordeal when it happens, then what? <br />Not to turn this into a man v. woman thing, but it's hard not to point out that if a man acts the way a woman does during this time he would rightly be told that, even if the source of his issue is due to his body, he's got to figure out a way to get that under control. <br />Just telling us guys who have lived with this for years, who often find themselves feeling drained and full of anxiety and, yes, BATTERED, to be more patient and not take it personally is frankly insulting. <br />The way some women act on this is abusive and shouldn't be tolerated just as it wouldn't be tolerated if a man did it. <br />While I appreciate that you have a forum that even talks about this, I hope that this condition can eventually be seen as something that women need to figure out how to control instead of telling us men (or female partners who have to suffer this condition) to just accept it and either hide away or walk on eggshells when their partner turns into an abusive bully. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-43885256933897891002016-12-10T16:22:15.862-08:002016-12-10T16:22:15.862-08:00after 25 years of suffering from pmdd wife... i ve...after 25 years of suffering from pmdd wife... i ve found out ignoring it is the best thing. there is no cure.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02748793404944129949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-31034700991813256392016-12-09T13:11:40.288-08:002016-12-09T13:11:40.288-08:00Yeah, I too don't think it's as simple as ...Yeah, I too don't think it's as simple as understanding. Understanding is one small thing, and does not mean that I'll stick around in one, two, five years. That's where my difficulty lies, just basic quality of life. I feel as though my own self-esteem has been through the ringer and (although I recognize that I cause hurt and she causes hurt) I just can't guarantee that I was made for this kind of thing and I've expressed this, which makes the whole relationship teetering on the brink. It doesn't help that she is absolutely dependent on me, has shredded all her relationships including family, and does not believe me when I break up with her.. I'm thirty and cant even go to a party without the debilitating bouts of jealousy, not just in PMDD times but all the time. I have become insistent on protecting myself and trying to build up my own life. But i feel as though I'm causing more harm by staying. Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17830156111953115115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-23499182335392232282016-10-22T20:03:54.880-07:002016-10-22T20:03:54.880-07:00Are there any support groups for men? My best frie...Are there any support groups for men? My best friend has this, we are very close, She has just recently said she hadn't had periods for a while and has just started having them again,at the time I didn't understand and thought why are you telling me this information, but we are very close so I thought ok fair enough, since then every month it's been really painful to stay close, I can't do anything right, I am always at fault, we talk everyday, she does bizarre things, spends money she doesn't have, I have helped out with money, She has done things and planned to do things that have not been dangerous purely due to the fact that they have not been remotely possible and almost no-one including her could find them plausible, after the fortnight or a little less is over she is shocked by the bizzare plans she made, I could not understand why she is so often desperately unhappy with life for this length of time and then so positive at others. It is complicated because she also gets anxiety, and it is painful because I grew up with years of bullying and so being blamed when not at fault and being talked to with hostility several times on half the days as well as trying to console her lack of hope and support her 100 % with anything she want's to do in life, while trying to help her manage so she doesn't do anything that will really shock her later is tough. It is hard as I have a mental illness, although I am recovering well and she manages herself well in some ways too so the days when it is hard are a mix of fantastic friendship and total weird and unpleasantness with me desperately trying to work out what I have or haven't done to upset her or how I can help her out of her feelings of hopelessness, she sees me as irrational on the occasions when she has PMDD and a wonderful friend when she doesn't. I have blamed that I have blamed my illness for when I have been blamed, for nothing, or been called defensive if I have said that I feel hurt or something she has said is unfair, just to avoid conflict, because I didn't know what else to do. Have you ever come across people who are affected by this who have other mental illnesses or supporters with mental illnesses. Any advice on staying strong as a mentally ill supporter, who was bullied all through school and employment? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-72848418342075482542016-08-19T02:04:08.961-07:002016-08-19T02:04:08.961-07:00Back when we first got together my partner would e...Back when we first got together my partner would experience one irrationally emotional day per month. She'd cry at something silly on TV and usually a hug and a hot chocolate would soothe it out. Fast forward a decade and my now wife is crying, out of it, struggling to concentrate, irrational, depressed, suffering panic attacks, severe period cramps, anxiety and unable to cope with daily life two weeks a month. I now recognise that all the hallmarks of PMDD were always there, but it wasn't until she entered her 30's that the condition really started to get out of control.<br /><br />We were travelling through Asia when the severity of her PMDD symptoms noticeably increased. As our lifestyle was so erratic we never gave her condition the attention it deserved. Over a period of months her monthly PMDD went from a 3 day a month period to a 2 week period. It was crushing to watch her suffer, especially when we were in what should have been our ideal life scenarios - no work to get up for, gorgeous sun sets, exotic locations etc. But PMDD was always lurking in the background. At the time we didn't have a name for her condition. We both believed it was severe PMS and at first I felt like I was enough to get her through her monthly turmoil. <br /><br />The article discusses giving into cravings - this is a bandaid on a broken leg solution. Yes, a little quality dark chocolate may be a comforting treat, but when you and your partner turn to other vices such as alcohol to deal with the stress generated by a PMDD episode then you are in trouble. I noticed the slippery slope of us reaching for the nearest bottle of wine to lighten the mood on an increasingly regular basis.<br /><br />Daily exercise is a far better stress reliever for us both. Travelling and facing up to PMDD has opened us both up to options that we would never have previously taken seriously. We now both practice mindfulness, meditation and non-confrontational martial arts poses. Having some guided meditation podcasts and relaxing music downloaded on her iPod has been a great go-to when we are out somewhere and she begins to feel overwhelmed she can stick in her ear buds and 'escape' for a couple of moments. <br /><br />We went to a gynecologist in a private hospital in Bangkok who prescribed her Yasmin birth control pills and recommended she 'get a boyfriend' - yes, he actually said that!! The first month on the Yasmin brought some improvement to her mood which we are not sure was a placebo effect or reality. Over the following 6 months her physical symptoms (bloating and bad cramps) improved dramatically as of course she wasn't actually having a period, but her mental state deteriorated with the number of PMDD days increasing each month. Again we don't know if this was as a result of the Yasmin exacerbating the physiological effects of her PMDD or a coincidence. The really terrifying thing about Yasmin was the dangerous weight loss - over the 6 months of treatment on Yasmin my beautiful wife went from a normal healthy weight to having a dangerously underweight BMI. Her face was sunken and her skin looked liked it was hanging from her bones. When we went looking for help with her weight loss we were shocked by the number of ignorant articles there are out their touting how fantastic Yasmin is for weightloss, while ignoring the dangerous diuretic side effects of taking the drug - which can lead to blood clots. (I would strongly advise that women read up on the emotional side effects of coming off Yaz and Yasmin before taking the pill). I was also shocked to learn that many such medications are only tested on men https://www.ted.com/talks/alyson_mcgregor_why_medicine_often_has_dangerous_side_effects_for_women?language=enAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-4970958537024508242016-08-03T06:34:44.058-07:002016-08-03T06:34:44.058-07:00Hi, Michelle, Thank you for writing! Please emai...Hi, Michelle, Thank you for writing! Please email me at info (at) livingwithpmdd (dot) com and I will do my best to answer your questions. This offer is open to anyone with questions the blog does not already answer, as I do occasionally have information I have not written about here yet. Liana at livingwithpmdd.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04527230725501073923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-39129327084858106072016-08-03T05:25:06.363-07:002016-08-03T05:25:06.363-07:00Good morning, Liana. My husband and I have been tr...Good morning, Liana. My husband and I have been trying to figure out the best coping methods for us, and we were considering low doses of alprazolam for when we have to attend a family of social function during the PMDD window. I would like to ask you some other questions and chat with you as well because there is no good information on the internet about it (I feel insulted with most of the medical journals regarding PMDD) and we have not yet found a doctor that fits our needs best. I understand I cannot substitute your advice or blog posts in place of medical counsel, but j appreciate your experience and input. <br />Thank you for your time,<br />MichelleAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-51746485878568050022016-05-19T11:36:13.910-07:002016-05-19T11:36:13.910-07:00I'm a lesbian too and OMGAHHH I feel your pain...I'm a lesbian too and OMGAHHH I feel your pain!.. this website is awesome!.. I've never heard of PMDD until yesterday after another horrible argument. I felt so dreadful when I hear my partner say "Im cramping" it just reminds me that a bad argument for the next few days is in the future. No matter how much I coach myself and tell myself.. ok don't argue, just agree, just let it roll off your back ect. but somehow she knows a way to push a button that makes me want to explode and just think about reconsidering our relationship but we been together for 5 years and don't think we are going anywhere lol.. so I figured there has to be an answer somewhere.. low and beholdAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18434760227562148093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-6559305647599783462016-04-06T11:08:09.746-07:002016-04-06T11:08:09.746-07:00I was glad to read the response from 'unknown&...I was glad to read the response from 'unknown' in February this year.She is right,sometimes it is very hard to take some of the abuse and 'goading' for an argument.My partner has recently been diagnosed with PMDD,although we had been working with it for the past 6 years with most of the techniques you advise above.My partner works in the Mental Health field and has brilliant insight into the conditions and coping strategies for others,but struggles with her own.Her cycles are different to those you have mentioned.We are not talking a couple of days every month,she is in turmoil for two weeks at a time,and then the most loving girl for the next two weeks,and then the cloud draws back in.If my tolerance is low during these times I sometimes spend the night away,just to give us space.Wrongly or rightly,I think this works for us every now and again as I would rather this than engage in an argument and say things I will regret.She doesn't like this technique/strategy but I cannot think of another way.Our Dr has been very thorough and understanding (the only one to take this seriously over 6 years) and had read some journals and prescribed medication based on evidence.This seemed to work but she stopped taking it due to side effects.I consider myself to be pretty 'thick skinned' but the cutting insults do get through from time to time and I am now mentally exhausted myself.We will be together forever,I know that,but it is very tough at times.The hardest part is seeing the love of my life in such a state of internal torment on such a regular and prolonged basis.She has made some positive changes over the years but when it hits there is little more we can do than we already do.Any other suggestions would be gratefully recieved.If I had any advice for partners of those suffering with PMDD I would advise agreeing a 'plan of action' when things get really bad and unmanageable and stick to this.Try not to point things out to excess around her behaviour but acknowledge them and talk through at the right time as suggested above.At the same time though there is only so much one person can 'absorb'so have an agreed place to go when this happens,a safe haven of sorts.Try not to take things too personally although you naturally will sometimes.Perhaps make the safe haven a with a person who knows you both and has an understanding so not to be judgemental.Everybody is different but that's what we do.Perhaps even plan the away dates in advance if that is possible?I hope that helps in some way and any suggestions for me would be gratefully recieved and considered.<br /><br />G.PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-34522904423212248062016-02-02T15:34:11.982-08:002016-02-02T15:34:11.982-08:00I am glad you brought this up! My book, PMDD: A Ha...I am glad you brought this up! My book, PMDD: A Handbook for Partners, addresses all of these things. It's rather hard to encompass all aspects of the PMDD relationship in a few blog posts. Therefore I compiled them and all the information I have on the subject into a book written especially to and for the partners (male and female) of women with PMDD. It goes way beyond what any one blog post here says. Click on the blue book cover with the roller coaster on the front at the top of the right hand sidebar on this blog for more information. Liana at livingwithpmdd.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04527230725501073923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-35714535472662778932016-02-02T14:22:19.155-08:002016-02-02T14:22:19.155-08:00I'm a lesbian and my fiancée has pmdd. I under...I'm a lesbian and my fiancée has pmdd. I understand everything she goes through but it doesn't make it easy to take abuse and just say it's ok it's just her pmdd. It's all good on a day I'm feeling good but god forbid I'm having a crap day. You have no idea how hard it is to stop yourself going off on one at her. I wish there was more articles about how to cope being in the receiving end of a pmdd episode instead of telling us to take the load of her. Even when you do these things the pmdd is still there and it's still not good enough. Maybe some day people will stop and think what about the partner aswell maybe they need a little help sometimesUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15940108185232128406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-78426484160352769452015-12-26T07:32:00.801-08:002015-12-26T07:32:00.801-08:00Hello, and thank you for writing. I apologize for...Hello, and thank you for writing. I apologize for taking so long to respond, as I was out of town that month, actually preparing to return home that week, and some reader comments do slip past me. You've touched on a few points that many women with PMDD experience, but I have not heard voiced yet on this blog, mainly about telling those closest to you that you have PMDD and are aware of it, yet they don't believe you when you exhibit symptoms, don't trust you to know what is going on inside your own mind and body. So thank you for that. Secondly, you mention the fact that you and so many others have nearly taken your life at times because, unaware that it was PMDD, you considered what it does to your mind a moral failing of some sort. Thirty percent of women with PMDD attempt suicide, and 15 percent succeed. No one knows how many suffer from this very same feeling and/or suicidal ideation every month. I am sorry for your circumstances, being caught between two phases of your life right now, and I have no doubt that that contributes to your dysphoria, but I have not read anything that even hints that PMDD has anything to do with gender identity. Now that you have brought it up, however, I will keep an eye out for such a thing, and report back here if I find anything. Until then, I wish you all the best and thank you again for taking the time to voice your thoughts and concerns. They are all well worth looking into and possibly writing more about. Liana at livingwithpmdd.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04527230725501073923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-77497979313046759872015-05-26T17:35:13.299-07:002015-05-26T17:35:13.299-07:00I live with PMDD and I appreciate this article. Ev...I live with PMDD and I appreciate this article. Everything I have read about relationships and PMDD usually sympathises with the non-suffering partner. In my case I am willing to admit that I wasn't always easy to get along with and I used to be less under control but now I will warn I have PMDD, take responsibly for it but I still get harassed about it from partner, like they think I'm making things up like it makes me cold or cry for no reason or irritable yet I make sure they know that it's that time and nothing is personal, yet they still act surprised when I show symptoms, they try to debate me about my emotions which after years I have come to accept I have less control over, but they don't trust me about my own experiences, I have almost taken my life numerous times in the past, unaware of what I was dealing with thinking it was some moral failing on my part. The worst thing is that I am a transgender person and I live with PMDD as a dirty secret, I cannot afford to transition at this time or I would as the saying goes kill two birds with one stone. Its terribly disphoria inducing to live with, sometimes I feel like a shell of a person when it becomes that time, I sometimes wonder if the hormonal fluctuations have effected my brains gender identity over the years as well. I also believe it has caused me to be afflicted with numerous allergies over time as well. I hope in the future they find someway to cure this issue more thoroughly. I will end here as this has become more of a confession then anything else.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-26676353216500772842014-12-27T20:04:23.287-08:002014-12-27T20:04:23.287-08:00I wish education on PMS/PMDD is included in health...I wish education on PMS/PMDD is included in health education curricula. I feel that PMS is just trivialized and made fun of most of the time - "Oh it is just that time again" is the common refrain. However, PMS/PMDD is wreaking havoc in many marriages including mine and it is my hypothesis that many divorces could be avoided if PMS/PMDD is identified and treated. It is all nice and altruistic to say that men need to be more understanding, but it is not that simple - is it? There is an urgent need to develop a multipronged strategy to address this extremely challenging problem. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-25863878152716248492014-10-18T08:40:50.280-07:002014-10-18T08:40:50.280-07:00I always assumed that my wife just suffered from P...I always assumed that my wife just suffered from PMS until I started reading about PMDD just today! We've been married for 6 years and have almost divorced over the terrible arguments. We recently had our first child and she is having her first period (and PMDD episode) since then. The pregnancy was amazing, we only got in 1 argument! I'm so glad to know about this and the associated symptoms. Thank you for the posts, I really appreciate them. I might look into the cream, sounds like it could help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-70728799267609816042014-07-18T23:42:57.553-07:002014-07-18T23:42:57.553-07:00I have pmdd and i use a natural over the counter p...I have pmdd and i use a natural over the counter progesterone cream along with a multi vitamin..its been a HUGE life saver..the love of my life did his pmdd research and when he recognizes my symptoms the first words out of his mouth are "put ur cream on"..for some reason it pisses me off when he points it out and i KNOW he is right but shortly after i put my progesterone cream on im much calmer..btw i use the cream cuz its the only form over the counter in NY..oh, and one more thing, i HATE that i hurt the ones i love during this time! With that being said F**k YOU PMDD!!!Kalynn Schultznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-12990173776701111922014-07-11T20:46:36.404-07:002014-07-11T20:46:36.404-07:00im about to say to my spouse who doesnt acknowledg...im about to say to my spouse who doesnt acknowledge PMDD..hate me for a full month and i will believe your story. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02748793404944129949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-91423850701218601602011-10-16T03:47:08.147-07:002011-10-16T03:47:08.147-07:00lol. This is good info. I just sent a link to my h...lol. This is good info. I just sent a link to my husband. We've been together over 13 years so a lot of it he already knows.. but I like the bit about the food choices. I haven't been putting anything on our shopping list lately (combo of trying not to eat too much, just being sick of most foods, and not knowing what I want) so when he goes by himself, he tries to find things for me but hasn't been able to find much that is also healthy. My mom and I usually have these periods of time where we really like one thing and so we eat or drink the crap out of it for months. But I haven't had that kind of craving in a while...Evenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-81055370141059652952011-10-01T09:31:01.563-07:002011-10-01T09:31:01.563-07:00Up until this point I haven't really understoo...Up until this point I haven't really understood my Wifes PMDD. This blog is very insightful. She is a beautiful woman. Loving and caring when not close to her cycle. When her cycle is close she's in termoil and guilt after follows after the way she has treated me during her PMDD. With alot of reading of this blog one of the main things I can take away from this is "Don't take it personal". I did for the longest time and it did nothing for the situation or for my wife's mood. If anything it exsenuated it. I feel so bad for her when I see the inner turmoil that she goes through. I now have to work on myself so I can be there for her in her time of need and through the rest of the month.James Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06161905512226958173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-56221136873286387302011-06-23T07:09:17.478-07:002011-06-23T07:09:17.478-07:00I have just found this blog and it is much much ne...I have just found this blog and it is much much needed. I am sad to see that nothing has been posted recently. However the information that is here has been a lifeline. Nice to see I am not alone.where is my faith?https://www.blogger.com/profile/07001363460505837274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7780625537812809359.post-27658634194586139142011-03-07T08:16:39.251-08:002011-03-07T08:16:39.251-08:00But be careful not to blame when discussing anythi...But be careful not to blame when discussing anything. A small preface, "I know you weren't feeling too good..." will help negate that awful guilt we all sometimes feel (possibly sometimes way out of proportion, if you are the sort who genuinely hates to hurt :)). Just a thought.<br /><br />Nice blog, Liana.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04133757086575846849noreply@blogger.com