Overcoming Your PMDD Starts With Being Good To Yourself

I am a work in progress. One thing I have that a lot of people don’t have, or don’t make the time for, is self-awareness. I’ve been digging into this PMDD thing for so long that I’ve finally learned how to separate my real self from my PMDD self. How do I do this? I’m constantly checking in with myself to see how I am feeling, and trying to determine the reasons for why I am feeling the way I am—if it could possibly be my PMDD (based on where I am in my cycle) or if it’s something else.

In doing this, I’ve learned I’m super sensitive to just about everything I eat, drink, and breathe in. For instance, yesterday I went to get my hair cut. This morning I woke up with a sore throat and congested cough. Am I coming down with something? No. It’s a reaction to all the chemicals I inhaled while getting my hair cut. All I have to do is drink plenty of fluids today and I will be fine.

So I’m constantly weighing, measuring, sifting, adjusting. If I feel a little off, I ask myself—what’s new? What did I do differently today or yesterday? Where did I go that I don’t usually go? What did I eat or drink that I don’t usually eat or drink? What stresses did I encounter that I don’t usually encounter?

By constantly doing this, I’m able to detect patterns, and learn what (and who) to avoid. For instance, just going to church gets my sinuses flowing. I can smell the cloud of perfume ten feet away from the front door. The same thing can happen in restaurants, theatres, sporting or music events. This doesn’t mean I don’t go to those things. It just means I’m aware of what can happen, and if I feel a little funky afterwards, I know why.

I’m determined to live my life drug free. Because I feel this way, even taking two ibuprofen affects me as much as say, taking a narcotic painkiller would affect someone who isn’t used to it. Oddly enough, since the birth of my son--a major hormonal event--anything I take that is supposed to make me drowsy tends to have the opposite effect. I can’t take decongestants at all. Narcotics, like Tylenol with codeine, forget it. I’ll be up all night.

I’ve gotten so sensitive that even certain foods affect me strangely. It sounds crazy, I know, but what’s really happening is just a strong bio-chemical reaction that when processed in my brain affects my moods. So what is a natural physiological reaction to a substance, because of the imbalance in my hormones, manifests itself as a mood symptom. This can include irritability, weepiness, anxiety, lethargy, depression, or even euphoria.

I believe there are many women out there just like me. Women who perhaps aren’t blessed with the time and opportunities I have had to really sit down and be still long enough to try and figure out just what in the world is going on in their bodies and brains. We live in such busy times, running from one commitment to another, taking care of the loved ones in our lives, conditioned by our culture, society, and religious beliefs to serve others and place our own selves last.

This drastically affects our health and well-being, but since we are so busy all the time, we don’t have the time (or energy) to figure out what’s wrong, why we are feeling so out of kilter, maybe even miserable most of the time. And then our cycle kicks in, with our PMDD, and everything really goes haywire. We scream, we yell, we snap, and have wild mood swings. We lash out at loved ones and coworkers and store clerks and other drivers, and then, if we haven’t found a way or two to numb our conscience, we feel badly about our behavior and find ways to beat ourselves up and/or try to make amends if we can. We spend so much time trying to make it right with people, or beating ourselves up and engaging in even more destructive behavior, that we get even further run down and behind.

And then the cycle begins again. So we look for quick fixes, anything that will keep us in motion, fulfilling our commitments and obligations, keep us awake and moving long enough to get everything we need to get done in any given day done before we crash in front of the TV or into bed, exhausted, grateful that another day has ended and we have somehow survived.

It’s no way to live. So several years ago I made the effort to strip my life down to what’s important to me, and just focus on that. One of those things was my physical health and well-being. I figured if I could just take care of that—the rest of it would take care of itself.

Little did I know how difficult just doing that would be. It’s no wonder more people don’t take time out to do the same.

But I’m a persistent soul, and determined to figure this thing out. What I present here are things I have learned along the way. They might apply to you, they might not. Every woman is different, and due to her menstrual cycle, every woman is just a little bit different every day. That makes us mysterious and exciting, not bitchy and crazy. That makes us worth taking the time to get to know.

I’d like to take the time to get to know you, to hear your story, and find out what works and doesn’t work for you. I’d like to share those stories here and try to find common ground so that we can help each other to feel better if we can.

It can be done. It’s just that the information out there is so confusing and so conflicting. And we’re all so busy. It would be heaven if we could just Google PMDD and get the answers we need, find the quick fix, and get on with our lives.

But it doesn’t work that way. The first step, I have found, is to take the time to get to know yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Emotionally, because you have to know what emotions are being caused by your PMDD, and what emotions are normal and natural for you to be feeling. Contrary to popular belief, women are allowed to get upset, become irritated, annoyed, and angry. It doesn’t always have to be PMS or PMDD causing it, and we shouldn’t have to put up with snide comments about it being “that” time again, every time someone doesn’t hold up their end of the bargain and we express our disappointment in that.

It’s about accountability, and knowing yourself enough to know when it’s your fault, and when it’s not. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in taking the blame for things that aren’t of my doing. I make enough mistakes on my own, without that added burden, thank you.

That said, I’ve come to realize that PMDD is an explanation, not an excuse, for why I do the things I do when I’m having an episode, and I still need to be held accountable for those things, to take responsibility for myself and my actions, no matter how badly I may be feeling. It’s up to me, and me alone, to sort out what’s the real me, and what’s my PMDD, and keep the two as separate as I can. You know how you feel like you’re a totally different person when you’re having an episode. You know that’s not you. It takes a lot of strength, determination and willpower to separate the two, and the effort can be exhausting. But it can be done.

For example, the past few weeks I’ve been feeling just plain blah. No energy, no willpower, no motivation. I wondered if it was my PMDD, just come to roost for a while, but no, PMDD comes in cycles. This had to be something else. My thoughts were validated when my PMDD did arrive, and whew! It was like the difference between night and day. For just a couple of days, I sank into that abyss, and knew the difference. Clearly, on those other days, there was something missing in my diet that needed to be boosted…what that is I’m still sorting out, but I now know that lethargy is not my PMDD.

But I also know my PMDD is not me. And so I’ve learned to separate the two, and set the PMDD aside when it comes. I know it’s there, and it would very much like to take over and run (ruin) my day, but I won’t let it. I acknowledge that it’s present, and that I’m not crazy, and I warn my loved ones that I’m having a bad day and it has nothing to do with them, but it would be best to avoid me for a day or two.

With that in place, I go about my business, and get as much done as my energy level allows. If I need to take a nap, I do it. If I need some quiet time, I take it. If I need to eat some carbs…I do it. Guilt-free. That’s the key. Never feel guilty about taking time to care for yourself. Would you feel guilty about taking care of someone else? Then why don’t you deserve as much care and comfort as they do?

I listen to my body and give it what it needs, without giving in to the wild emotional swings that wait in the wings, and without giving any air time at all to the negative thoughts swirling in my brain. That’s just my PMDD talking, I tell myself, and I refuse to listen to it.

So the next time it happens to you, give it a shot. Just take a deep breath and refuse to give in. You are stronger than your PMDD, and it’s time you let your PMDD know it. You can channel your rage and anxiety and depression into strength and calm and control with simple awareness and practice. It won’t be easy, not at first. It’s a lot easier to just give in and go with the flow. But where has that gotten you?

Think about it, and you’ll know.

Any time you’re feeling out of control, just go to any number of PMDD sites and vent. We know. We care. We understand. We won’t take it personally. We’ll help you through it…because really, we know all you want to do is vent and be heard.

And then, maybe, while you’re visiting one of the message boards, or blogs, you’ll come across a bit of info that makes the next time a little easier to handle.

Baby steps, is all I can say. Be good to yourself, and things will get better. I promise.