PMDD and Negativity

It may look like I'm just recycling posts, and I am to some extent, but these are really good posts that got shuffled down to the bottom of the popular posts list over time.  It doesn't mean they are any less informative or relevant.  Today's re-post is about the neural pathways we create in our brains, and how we can focus on turning around the negativity that comes with every episode of PMDD. 

In the meantime, I am working on three new posts, the first of which I hope to put up before the month is over.  All went well with my cerebral angiogram, I finally got the *all clear* for a full year, and so now I look forward to getting back into my research and writing, and having even more good posts and information for you to discover here at Living on A Prayer.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support this past year as I dealt with my aneurysms.  What a roller coaster ride it has been. 

My PMDD Is Not Your PMDD

PMDD is such an individual thing.  What works for me will not necessarily work for you.  What triggers mine will not necessarily trigger yours.  The best I can do is share my research and hope some part of it resonates with enough women that it makes a difference in their lives.  Take caffeine, for instance.  It's been proven to be bad for PMDD.  But is it bad for your PMDD?  Only you can know.  I hardly drink caffeine at all, and I still have PMDD.  I never took birth control pills and I still have PMDD.  I've never experienced trauma of the kinds described in my previous post, and I have PMDD. 

Stress, yes, I have stress in my life.  But my stress is not your stress.  What sets me off might not faze you in the least.  I've only been pregnant once, only had one child.  I've tried HTP-5, Tryptophan, Calcium, Vitamin B Complex and Magnesium.  I've done energy work, meditation, deep breathing exercises, and walking.  Kava kava, evening primrose oil, Omega 3 essential fatty acids, GABA, and various vitamin supplements in cute little packages.  Fluoxetine is as far as I've gone in the drug realm.  I've tried hormone and neurotransmitter balancing diets, cut out sugar and alcohol.  Used bioidentical estrogen and progesterone therapy, both the cream and prescription capsules.  I've faced my emotional issues, cleaned up my life, and taken relationship classes.  I've eaten serotonin boosting foods, made sure I get enough rest, and chart my symptoms.

And still I have PMDD.  But it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.

So what works for me?  I'm not even sure yet.  My symptoms are different from month to month, as are my stressors.  And, as one astute commenter pointed out, stress can come from positive events as well -- it doesn't all have to be negative.  Happy times can cause just as much emotional upheaval as sad ones.

The one thing that has worked the most for me is awareness.  Paying attention to my body, paying attention to my intuition -  listening to how I feel inside.  It's not woo woo.  It's simple wisdom.  For instance, I know a 45 minute walk makes me feel great.  I know certain people and situations make me feel uncomfortable.  I know when something I am doing "just isn't fun" anymore.  I know what makes me feel calm and peaceful, and I know what makes me feel unsettled and angry. 

A lot of women don't know that about themselves.  A lot of women are just so busy running from activity to activity that they simply haven't made the time to get to know themselves. 

There was a time in my life when I thought I wasn't worth getting to know.  Now I am my own best friend.  I look to myself, rely on myself, for every important decision I make.  I go by how it makes me feel inside.  Anxious and edgy?  Cautious?  Bored? Confident? Terrified? Serene?

The body never lies.  If you let it, it will tell you exactly what you need to know...and exactly how you feel about something...anything...going on in your life.

Ever look at a cat, really look at it?  I've used this example before.  Cats just "are."  They know who they are, and what they want, and what they don't want.  And they know how to tell you these things -- without making excuses or apologies. If they want love, they come around.  If they want to be left alone, they go off and be alone.  If they are unhappy, they let you know. 

Why can't we be the same?  Why can't we simply accept or decline whatever is placed before us without going through a whole bunch of angst and/or guilt?  Why can't we live in the moment and deal with situations as they arise?  Why can't we just take a nap in the sun if that's what our bodies indicate we should do?  Why do we have to run around -- do this, do that -- exhausted all the time? 

Why can't we make changes and maybe try something new without upsetting someone else?  I hear this from women all the time.  "He wouldn't want me to..."  "I don't think my (insert friend, relative, co-worker here) would like that."  Or "I don't think (name someone, even your children) would let me do that."

Wouldn't like it?  Wouldn't let you?  I'm talking about things here that would benefit your health and well being.  I'm not talking about women going wild.  I'm talking about basic human needs.  Love, companionship, respect, dignity.  Consideration, concern, compassion, and understanding.  Why wouldn't someone who claims to love you or even just care about you want you to do what you need to do to be the best person you can possibly be?  Why would they want to hold you back from that?  Why would they want you to be "less" of a complete companion, parent, child, sibling, caretaker, employee?

To completely manage your PMDD, you need to take time out for you.  You need to be your own best friend and advocate.  You need to slow down long enough to listen to your body, and listen to your feelings, not the cacophony of demands life puts on us all day long.  You need to take some time to understand your individual quirks and condition, what sets you off and what makes you calm.  You need to stop "reacting" to your life (which leads to that out of control feeling we all know and hate) and become more "proactive".  You need to anticipate when your PMDD is coming, and adjust things around how you feel. 

I'm having a PMDD episode right now.  It's been going on for several days.  My awareness of it has allowed me to adjust for it, and keep my activities calm and low key.  Doing so has also allowed me to put in three slow but steady 18-hour days in a row without snapping at anyone or bursting into tears. 

Amazing. That never would have happened before I became aware of my PMDD.  I can think of at least half a dozen times these past few days where I would have *lost it* in the past.  I may still lose it.  It happens.  But the chance of it happening is a hell of a lot less than it used to be - since I started listening to my body.  Since I started cultivating my awareness of my PMDD.

The body never lies.  When it needs something, it lets you know.  When it senses trouble or danger, it lets you know.  When you meet someone who will be good for you...it lets you know.  The same goes for when you encounter someone or something that is bad for you.  The body knows right from wrong even if your mind is muddled by such things as guilt, pressure, manipulation, deception, negativity, or prevailing social and cultural messages. 

I think a lot of our PMDD crises stem from outside sources.  That's not to say that there's not stuff going on inside that makes us detonate....I'm well aware right now that I could either fall apart or blow up or both at any moment...but if I wasn't able to control my attitude -- and if I wasn't able to be proactive through awareness instead of reactive -- I know my fuse would be a lot shorter. 

Instead I'm listening to my body, taking each moment as it comes, moving from task to task, taking calming breaths, eating healthy, maintaining as positive an attitude as my PMDD brain will let me -- and when I start to get all tense and stressed....I either go for a walk, or lie down and rest. 

The work will wait.  The world can wait.  I'm not that indispensable that my life -- or anyone else's -- will fall apart if I take half an hour to recharge and regroup.

Try it.  What have you got to lose?

PMDD and Neural Pathways

In next week's post (which I am already writing today), I'm going to talk about stressors specific to PMDD women.  I'm going to use words you may or may not have heard before.  Like neural pathways.  What does that mean?  Well, let's look at neural.  Neurology. Neurologist.  Having to do with nerves.  Ever have a pinched nerve or experience nerve pain?  Ever say to someone "You're getting on my nerves?"  A neural pathway is like a dirt road.  The more you use it, the more it gets worn down.  If you use it a lot, the road develops ruts.  When a road has ruts in it, you can get stuck in the mud. 

 

On the flip side of that, think of a pair of shoes.  Nothing better than a pair of shoes you've had so long that they feel totally comfortable. 

 

So we have these neural pathways in our brains.  The more we use them, the more they can either develop ruts we get stuck in, or the more comfortable they can become.   Sometimes we can get comfortable with things that are not good for us.  Like addiction and abuse.  But hey, they are familiar.  Better the devil I know than the one I don't.  So in times of stress, we reach for the familiar. Our brain sort of goes on autopilot and says "I know how to react to this" and sticks with the tried and true.

The brain does not distinguish between what is comfortable and what is a rut.  Left to its own devices, the brain just takes the path of least resistance.  To get a different result, or take a different path, you have to consciously choose to do so, and in a sense, give your brain instructions to do something different this time.  Because even while the brain reacts automatically, you are in control of your thoughts, your thoughts are not in control of you.

Hard to believe when you're in the middle of a PMDD episode, but bear with me here.

To take a different path, you have to let your brain know that's what you want to do.  It will be hard, of that there is no doubt.  Your brain has been conditioned to doing things a certain way.  It's quite content to keep doing things this way.  Basically, you have to re-train your brain. 

 

I'd much rather slip into a comfortable pair of shoes than get stuck in a dirt road rut. 

 

Screaming and yelling and crying and creating all sorts of drama is sinking into the rut.  Taking a deep breath, holding your tongue, going for a walk or into a room by yourself to calm down is breaking in a new pair of shoes.  It will feel unfamiliar and tight and pinched at first, but the more you wear those shoes, the more comfortable they will become.  The more you practice self-control, the more familiar and comfortable it will become.  Eventually, you will have created a new rut...one you don't mind being stuck in.  One that helps your relationships instead of hurts them, and one that doesn't leave you feeling destroyed every time you get stressed.

We're talking normal stressors here, the stuff people have to deal with every day.  A meeting with your boss, a new client, your kid's teacher, a presentation you have to give, just dealing with people in retail, or long lines at the grocery store.  Traffic jams, flight delays, spilled milk, and crayons on the wall.  Practice is how you retrain your brain to deal with that stuff.  Because PMDD women have a reputation for being unable to cope with everyday stresses.  But this is because our PMDD brains have been conditioned to over-react to normal everyday stresses.  We have to work hard to get out of those brain ruts and we have to start small.

One moment at a time.

Some think of PMDD women as being weak, but I think the opposite.  I think we are strong.  Stronger than most.  Because we're starting out from deep in the ruts, while everyone else is starting on solid ground.  And still we succeed.  We get the clients, give the presentations, raise our children, maintain our households, keep our families and businesses afloat,  bring home the bacon, create beautiful things, care for our loved ones, and win recognition and respect DESPITE having a brain that does not function properly.

So never put yourself down for having PMDD.  Doing so only creates another rut you have to crawl out of.