PMDD Awareness Month, April 2016

Living with PMDD: Why Every Woman Should Be Practicing Hormonal Self-Awareness

Recently I stumbled across this gem of an article in Elephant Journal on hormonal self-awareness, written by Vironika Tugaleva, life coach, inspirational speaker, and award winning author of The Love Mindset.
One line that caught my eye was:  What a hormone surge does is it gets rid of a woman's ability to numb herself to the quality of her environment. 
With their permission, I have reposted the beginning of the article.  If the opening intrigues you, please click on the link to finish reading the article. Well worth your time.

Why Every Woman Should Be Practicing Hormonal Self-Awareness

by Vironika Tugaleva

I had a client once whose boss insisted on using positive-only language in the workplace. So, when giving feedback about mistakes and areas for improvement, he’d say, “You have a great opportunity to practice your communication and organization skills here” instead of “You’re awkward and messy.”

I thought that was just brilliant.

So, for me, around the same time every month, the opportunity comes to do some very deep self-awareness work.

The more I’ve become aware of the effects of hormones on my mind and body, the more amazed I’ve been that there was a point when I was not at all aware of these effects. There was a time when I would spend a week alternating between bitchy and depressed, thinking that the reason was whatever my mind told me was the reason.

Whether or not you’re a woman, stick out for this one, because if you are, then this is absolutely something you must know about yourself, and if you’re not, this will give you incredible insight into the behaviour of women in your life.  Read more here:

Is it PMDD or Not?

This week I want to revisit a past post that gives several reasons (but not all!) why PMDD is so often misdiagnosed.  It was originally called Confusion City.

I'm on my way back into the hospital for a follow up cerebral angiogram so prayers and positive thoughts welcome...  Hope to be back here with a brand new post soon!

PMDD and Why Me?

Okay, we’ve heard enough stories for a while of what it’s like to have PMDD.We all know what it is by now.  And we know there is not much we can do about it once an episode hits.  The best we can hope for is to ride out the storm.  So a question I’m sure all of us have asked at one point or another is Why Me?

 Well, today I’m going to look into the possibilities I’ve uncovered so far.   First, however, a little background.  When does PMDD happen?  And How does PMDD progress? 

You don’t get it before your first period.  Girls, on average, in part due to the tremendous amount of environmental toxins being dumped into our lives, are now getting their first period at age 12.  Your probability of developing PMDD increases with each hormonal event in your life thereafter: pregnancy, miscarriage, abortion, or birth.  (You do not experience PMDD when you are pregnant, because you are not menstruating.) With each new pregnancy, your chances of developing PMDD increase.  And unless your PMDD is addressed, it will continue to worsen with each hormonal event, and as you age, becoming increasingly difficult through perimenopause, until it stops when you reach menopause.

But don’t start cheering yet…if your PMDD is not addressed before menopause, you run the serious risk of developing Major Depressive Disorder after menopause. 

The average age of menopause is 51. 

So, that means, on average, women have approximately 40 years during which we can develop PMDD.

What causes PMDD?

Nobody knows for sure just yet, but scientists do know it is a biological event that manifests as emotional symptoms.  What does that mean?  It means PMDD is caused by something that happens in your body and shows itself in your moods.  The closest science has come to defining what happens is that whatever happens, happens in concert with your menstrual cycle, and involves your hormones.  The hormones they are looking at the most these days are estrogen and progesterone.  It’s not that you have too much or too little, or maybe not even the balance between them, as this is still being studied, but that something goes awry in your brain when processing these hormonal fluctuations in your body.

That’s right.  Something goes wrong in your brain.  No news to us, right?  We’ve known all along something wasn’t right with our brains, with our thinking processes, during an episode of PMDD.  Why else would we say and do the things we say and do during an episode and not the rest of the month?

But I won’t go into all of that right now.  For now it’s good enough to know there is a biological “something” that happens where our brain does not properly process the fluctuating levels of our reproductive hormones during the second half of our menstrual cycle.  This leads to a disconnect in the brain, like when an extension cord comes apart from a plug, or when your cell phone coverage drops.  The result of this disconnect is a depletion of serotonin in the brain, the neurotransmitter that in part governs our moods, and our ability to be happy. 

This is why we crave carbs.  Carbs increase the level of serotonin in our bodies, and therefore improve our moods.  Problem is, most of us reach for the WRONG kind of carbs.  You know who you are and what you eat.  Not just any carbs will do.  But that’s the subject of another post. 

This is why doctors prescribe anti-depressants.  Certain antidepressants, called SSRI’s, help to increase the level of serotonin in our brains.  Problem is, we’re not low on serotonin all the time, and antidepressants come with a bunch of side effects that can make your symptoms worse.  Plus they don’t work at all for at least 40% of the women who take them.  (So if you’re one of the 40% or more, don’t blame yourself!)

This is why doctors prescribe birth control pills.  Birth control pills keep you from ovulating, which is the main cause of this shift in your hormones that your brain does not process correctly.  But again, this is treating only the symptoms and not the underlying cause, and birth control pills have their own array of side effects -- including death. 

Never mind that some women would rather be dead than suffer from another episode of PMDD.  I, for one, am not interested in taking something that could kill me when there are so many less drastic options to try.

Which brings me to the question of what contributes to PMDD?  Weight, lifestyle habits, including smoking, drinking, drug use, caffeine and sugar consumption, stress, trauma, abuse, and yes, genetics.  We’ll get more into genetics in another post.  For now it’s enough to know that in some cases, you really “can’t” help what happens to you when you’re experiencing an episode of PMDD.  It could be in your genes.

And if it’s in your genes, you’re not going to be able to cure it with a magic pill, be it synthetic or natural.  The best you can hope to do is manage the condition.

So what can you do about your PMDD?

You can address the things that apply to you. I’m not going to touch weight, because there are sooo many factors that go into a woman being overweight that it’s the most difficult of all for us to address.  (That’s a whole other blog post in itself as well, maybe even two or three.)  But yes, you can quit smoking, yes, you can cut down on your drinking, maybe even eliminate it altogether.  Same goes for caffeine -  you can cut out caffeine and not die – not like other options mentioned above.   You can cut back and even eliminate eating sugar.  And please do not make the mistake of thinking sugar substitutes are the answer to the situation.  If you’re determined to go that route, you’d be better off to keep eating sugar.  Raw sugar if you must, but no sugar is the best route of all.  Sugar feeds PMDD, and it also feeds cancer.  So think about it, and do what you can.

If you’re a sedentary soul, you can get more exercise.  Two to three half hour walks a week will do wonders for your PMDD.  45 minutes is even better.  Work your way up to whatever time you can spare.  Really, how can you not spare the time, when your life is at stake? 

Over-exercising is just as bad as not getting enough exercise.  More on why some other time.

Stress – starting to sound like a broken recording here, I know.  The stresses in our lives are as numerous and varied as our PMDD symptoms.  You know yours.  Get rid of them.   Don’t you deserve a better life? 

Rest – get as much as you can, especially during an episode.  Learn how to “Just Say No.”  Start small and work your way up.  And do it gently.  Don’t put it off until it becomes a snarl.

Nutrition – there’s a reason fresh, whole foods are good for you.  They’re packed with the nutrients your body, including your brain, needs to function properly.  You can’t get good nutrition from a box any more.  It just doesn’t happen.  And taking high quality, pharmaceutical grade vitamin supplements (not the cheap ones!) does help, but it doesn’t by a long shot make up for what you can do to make yourself feel better by simply eating foods as close to their natural state as possible.  Vitamins are meant to boost your nutritional balance, not replace what you lost from not eating right and depleting your body’s nutrients when you drink, smoke, and/or take drugs -- even common over the counter drugs. 

So there are a lot of things you can do to make your PMDD better.  Most, however, require time and effort.  It takes time to make good, healthy meals.  It takes time to listen to your body and become aware of what makes you feel better and what makes you feel worse.  It takes time to find the right treatment for your particular symptoms.  It takes time to make time for you, take time out for rest and relaxation, or deal with those messy stresses eating up your life.  It takes time to become comfortable with your emotions.  It takes time to work on your relationships.  It takes time to quit using the crutches you’ve been using to get through your however many years of PMDD.

But think of how many more years you have to go, and how it will only get worse if you don’t do something about it.  Do you want to spend your golden years depressed?

I know I don’t.  And I don’t want you to have to do it, either. 

You didn’t ask for the hand of cards you were dealt.  The best you can do is learn how to play them.  The information is out there. The willpower is inside you.  Are you going to sit around asking Why Me?

Or are you going to come to the table and say, Not Me. Not Today.

One day at a time.  That’s all you need to work with.  One hour at a time, if that’s all you have.  Pick one positive thing mentioned in this post, and do it for yourself, do it today.  Do the same thing tomorrow.  Keep doing it, one day at a time, until you have it down.  Then pick something else, and start the process all over again.  Baby steps are still steps in the right direction.

You can do it.  Because PMDD women are strong.  Super strong.  We have to be, with all that we have to deal with.

Liana is the author of PMDD and Relationships, a book written to help a woman with PMDD gain personal awareness, and insight into why she says and does the things she does.  PMDD: A Handbook for Partners, was written to help explain the unexplainable to partners of women with PMDD.  Either one of them can be used as a resource on tips for how to handle PMDD, or as a conversation starter for someone who wants to explain their PMDD to a loved one to someone they care about.  Both are available in ebook from Amazon and Smashwords (Kobo, ibooks, Nook, and Overdrive), and in print from Amazon, and the International Association for Premenstrual Disorders, or IAPMD.  For more information, please check out Liana's Facebook Page, Living with PMDD.

PMDD Crisis Guide - The Mental Realm of PMDD

This week we continue with Cat Stone's PMDD Crisis Guide...welcome back, Cat!

You can find the Introduction to Cat's Crisis Guide here.. and her post on the Physical Realm here.

The Mental Realm

This realm is where you will find your thoughts, and inevitably, the things you say. Over time this realm is programmed with reactions and responses to things that you are told, or things that happen around you. This realm for a PMDD sufferer is usually very chaotic.

During the hormonal changes in a woman's cycle, her body will undergo changes and present physical problems. These are a little easier to deal with than the changes that go on in the mind during this time.

This is probably best represented by the term, 'mood swings' although that would suggest the problem is just an emotional one. It isn't. The chemical changes in the body actually create false moods, which often bring about 'false thinking'.

A PMDD sufferer will experience random thoughts, seemingly crazy thoughts during their 'bad' time of the month. Thinking outwardly becomes impossible. Seeing the bigger picture seems impossible. All thoughts become inward and bad memories surface. Reactions to what people say, can trigger a negative spiral of thinking that can be overwhelming.

For me, it's like a constant battle in my head. I KNOW how I would normally react, what I would normally think, but during that time, things are not normal. I begin thinking I'm the worst person in the world, that my kids would be better off without me. I think about my past and all the painful things that have happened. I think people should leave me alone, not bother with me.. I lose all my self esteem and belief. All the things that normally get me through no longer work... The clothes I wore last week don't look right, even though it's the exact same outfit. I look in the mirror and see something completely different. This change in perception is quite common in all women who suffer from PMS, but when it means you don't leave the house because you have tried on 10 outfits, are full of tears, anxious, stressed out and frustrated, you know you are suffering from something worse.

My thoughts spiral out of control during my PMDD time, but I am learning to control them. Realising that your thoughts are not really your truth, takes time to happen. I often say... 'In my good head, I know this is true... but right now, I think that blah negative blah' I can recognise what I would think if I were in a good week, and what I am actually thinking. Dealing with the emotions that these bad thoughts bring up is harder than trying to control the thoughts, but keeping your thoughts in check goes a long way to steering a breakdown off course.
After talking to many women who have PMDD, it is obvious that they all feel like 'Jekyll and Hyde'. In fact, you will find that term used quite often when describing PMDD.

A woman with PMDD will find herself thinking about abandoning her kids, and how she'd do it, and how she'd get away. Or leaving family, friends or job. She may think the answer is suicide and spend many hours debating suicide, going through plans or writing her note to leave behind. She may think about drinking till she sleeps, or hurting herself. Her thoughts will turn to guilt, and she'll sit and think about all the damage she has done to her family or friendships, how lonely she is, how no one will ever understand. I know this to be true because I have done all these things, on repeat... for years. These thoughts are what drive people to harm themselves, along with the negative emotions, and it's why it is important to try and get these thoughts under control.

What also changes at this time of the month is the way you speak. This is governed by your feelings, and the things that are going on in your head. A chilled-out, mild-mannered woman will turn into a screaming, shouting, crazy, scary beast. You think I'm joking? This is one area the most damage can be done to your family and friends. The things you say. I would bet that every woman with PMDD has had an episode, and when the storm has died down, has had to think about what she has said to the people she loves. Nasty, spiteful, bitchy, outrageous things. Stuff you would never let leave your mouth. Goddess forbid you argue or fight with a PMDD woman having a bad episode.... Sanity has left the room. Like a caged animal, you want to fight. You are feeling so tired, so low, frustrated, wired, scared, you want to die, you don't care what happens. In your head, your mind is telling you you are terrible, shameful, worthless, then it tells you you will never get away from this nightmare, you will have to do this till the day you die. You worry about every aspect of your life. Will my partner stay with me? What if I hurt my kids? How can I keep doing this? I'm tired... oh so tired... I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.... What will happen if I just walk out the front door now. Mind is on OVERDRIVE.

There is a great lyric, by one of my favourite 'bands'.

How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood, And then just be.. in.. a good mood?
Dan le Sac vs Scroobious Pip - Waiting for the beat to kick in.

Ha.. yes, it's a man talking, and he has never experienced PMDD, but sometimes, you do HAVE to just decide to have a better day! FOCUS on having a better day. Focus on other things other than the thoughts.

Writing or creative outlets can help focus the mind on other things. Baking a cake, going for a walk, going to the library. Having a job can be a great focus... Distraction, distraction, distraction.
If you cant work, volunteer.. or use your time more wisely. It is too easy to let yourself dwell on the past, and mistake hormonal thoughts for the truth. It's easy to let yourself spiral. It's much harder to find the strength to change your thoughts. (Italics added by Liana.)

Some days, it is too hard to get out of the spiral. Some days, you just CAN'T. So what do you do?
Allow the thoughts to come, acknowledge them, then let them go. It's holding on almost compulsively to negative thoughts that feeds the downward spiral. You can even start talking to yourself (assuming you don't already!) and by that I mean...

'Oh hello, negative thought... what was that? I am crap mother?'

'Yes.. you are the worst mother ever, look at you, you hardly take the kids out anywhere, and most the time you are so caught up in your selfish head, You are so selfish. You slept the whole day away and someone else looked after your kids... '

Now this can go two ways.... You can either agree, or totally kick its ass.

'So, you think I'm a bad Mum? Who else cooks for the kids and washes their clothes? Who else finds things to do on a shoe-string? Who else creates a tea party in the garden, with 5 mins notice?

I have seen my kids through everything, to the best of my ability... I love them, I put 100% in when I can, and when I can't, I may sleep, or be a bit distant, but isn't that better than screaming and shouting at them. I am not a bad Mum, and will not accept that. Next?

'You dont have a life.. you sit on your fat arse all day, and never go out. What career have you got? People think you are a sponger, you drain everyone. Your friends never ask you out, cos you never go. You might as well be dead.'

(Are you going to take that?)

'Of course I have a life! I'm here, aren't I? I have this and that, and am planning on doing lots of things in the future. Just because things have been difficult, doesn't mean I will always be like this. I do have friends! And the ones that don't bother with me, aren't worth worrying about. I'm happier with a few close friends, doesn't mean I'm not liked. I give what I can to others, when I can, so, NO, I don't accept that, today I'm feeling vulnerable and a bit depressed, but thats today. Not tomorrow.. or forever...'

Don't commit the future by how you are thinking or feeling on a bad day. (Again, Liana chiming in!)

If you can learn to remain calm, and blow up every negative with a missile of positive you will soon feel stronger and more in control.

We often feel we need outside help, but there is much that can be done by you, by just changing your thoughts.

If you feel you would like more professional help with your thoughts, I would recommend looking into CBT – Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, which helps you to define your thinking patterns so you can begin to change them, and NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming, which helps you learn about your own ways of communicating and has an excellent way of re-shaping the way you perceive yourself, others and your thoughts and words..

We only use about 20% of our brains, and unfortunately, with PMDD sufferers, we have created such strong neural pathways, that we really do end up in one cycle of thinking. The connections our brain first started making years ago, that created the chemical imbalance, have become stronger and stronger. The more you sit back and allow it to happen, the more the brain feeds off the same thinking patterns. By attempting to break the cycle of negative thinking, you can start re-training your thoughts to support you, be your friend, rather than be your enemy.

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thought become your words.
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.
~Author unknown

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." ~Albert Einstein