The following guest post was written by the blogger Cheekyminx. With
her permission, several of her posts about PMDD are being featured on this
blog. To find out more about her work as a PMDD Advocate, please visit her
Facebook page, PMDD Life Support.
This post is for friends and family who
want to be supportive of a woman with #PMDD. Here, we've covered things you
should NEVER say, out of compassion. No doubt many of you may feel that it
doesn’t matter what you say; it’s going to be wrong.
Sure enough, a couple of women responded
to our question about what not to say by affirming that everything ticks them
off at certain times of the month, so for some of you, your feelings may be
justified.
Still, certain words can be hurtful, or
even triggering, for a woman grappling with PMDD, whether or not she’s having
symptoms. We don’t want to be stigmatized when we’re feeling good nor punched
when we’re already down. While it is true that ultimately, our responses to any
comments are our responsibility, not yours, those of you wanting to be more
understanding towards us might want to abstain from the following phrases.
Once again, we asked women on various
PMDD forums for their input. Once again, many of them reported very similar
comments as annoying, offensive, or triggering. We’ve analyzed and categorized
them to show the types of comments that are counterproductive; there could be
many more variations under each heading. Statements in parentheses represent
the internal thoughts shared by women on the forums. Depending on how these
comments are delivered (and the level of your frustration when delivering
them!), they can simply be insensitive or invalidating, or downright cruel and
abusive. Do any of these sound like you sometimes?
Self-Anointed
Diagnostician
“Is your PMDD here again?” or “Are you
on your period?” (as if that explains away legitimate complaints)
“Is it that time again?”
“You must be: bi-polar, borderline,
psycho, sick…” or “You need: professional help/to be committed.”
“Oh!!! You got your period then??”
“You are: crazy, mental, nuts…”
“Did you take your tablets today?” or
“Have you taken your meds? Maybe you should take 2!”
Just
Get Over It
“Calm down!” or “Just control it!” or
“Relax.”
“Your being dramatic; it’s not that big a
deal,” or “You’re overreacting,” or “You’re just PMS-ing.”
“You’re so problematic… Why don’t you
control yourself?”
“You’re being ridiculous! Are you mad?”
“Be rational. It doesn’t make sense to
get so upset over something so small.”
“Stop bitching,” or “Stop being a
bitch,” or “Just stop!”
“It will pass.” (Yes, I know. But right
now, I need understanding. I feel like shit!)
Now
What?
“What is wrong with you now?” or “What’s
wrong now?”
“You were fine a few minutes ago,” or
“Suddenly you’re in a bad mood?”
“Christ, here we go again!”
"Great. Now what are we supposed to do?"
Please
Explain the Inexplicable
“Why are you: depressed, sad, angry,
mad…?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Why can’t you explain what’s wrong?”
“Are you mad at me?” (if only it was as
simple as being “mad at you”)
Just
Harsh
“Same old excuse!”
“PMDD isn’t legitimate.”
“You are possessed!”
“You’re just lazy.”
“I can’t stand to be around you,” or “I
can’t stand you when you’re like this.” (Great, that makes two of us!)
As I’ve said before, each of us is
unique, so use this list to start a conversation with your
partner/friend/sibling/daughter/girlfriend/wife during the good days. This way,
when the bad days roll around, everyone is prepared…well, as prepared as
possible anyway.
In summary, please don’t tell us to
“calm down”, “get over it”, or “cheer up”. You’ll only be asking for a fight.
If we could calm down and get over it, we’d already be calmed down and over it.
Please do not call us “mental” or “crazy” or any other derogatory term related
to our mental health. And for God’s sake, do not go around diagnosing us with
mental disorders we don’t have. We may very well be acting like we’re nuts, but
believe me…we are aware of this and DON’T need the reminder.
Finally, remember that we’re human. And
like all humans, we still get angry and have a full range of emotions even when
we don’t have PMDD. So please don’t blame everything on PMDD. We can’t. You
shouldn’t be allowed to either. .
So, what do you think? Have we got it
covered or is there something YOU would like to never hear again?
Posts
