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~Seek first to understand, then be understood~
If you're looking for information on a particular topic, type that word in the search box below. If I have written about that subject, a list of posts will appear. If no posts come up, I haven't written about it...yet. Emails, and questions in the comments section for possible posts, are welcome.
I have a "friend" who shows up once a month. She turns my world upside down, over and over again.
I am a good person, caring and sweet, but when she comes to visit, I could rip off your head.
She takes no prisoners, foul words she does spout, I try to keep the words in, she lets them come out.
People don't understand me, or what this is about, to have this creature inside my head.
I despise who I am, half of the time, I feel sorry for my daughter, family and friends.
There's no way to describe it, for those who don't know, it's a living nightmare, she really needs to go.
~Neysia Manor, Rest in Peace

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

PMDD: A Handbook for Partners

At the request of my readers, I have written a PMDD book especially for partners of women with PMDD:

PMDD: A Handbook for Partners  
Does your wife or girlfriendʼs personality change drastically every month? Like clockwork? Youʼre far from alone. It could be Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or PMDD, a debilitating hormonal disorder which affects 3 - 8% of women in their fertile years, including many using birth control. PMDD is what makes it seem like sheʼs gone Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on you once, sometimes twice a month. Sometimes even for half of each month or more.

Inspired by the most-read posts in the blog Living on a Prayer, Living with PMDD, this book is for the partners of women with PMDD. Inside you will find insights as to what is going on in her mind during her seemingly inexplicable bouts of confusion, irritability, anger, rage, fear, anxiety, sadness and/or despair, what contributes to her state of emotional chaos, and tips on how to cope with and care for the woman you love during these, her most vulnerable days of the month.

Thereʼs no need for you to ride the rollercoaster of PMDD like you do. There are ways to help her manage her PMDD. Let this book help you to do just that, and find peace in the midst of the wildly careening emotions that PMDD brings into your relationship and life.

On sale now for Kindle at Amazon.  Introductory price of $4.99.  Available in print from Amazon as well for $9.99.  More than 200 pages of information and understanding about what itʼs like to be caught up in the unpredictability of a relationship with a woman who has PMDD, and what you can do about it.

Monday, December 14, 2015

PMDD Quote of the Week

~Knowing it's PMDD doesn't make it any less real or terrifying.~

Friday, December 11, 2015

Readers Speak Out: Advice for Partners of Women with PMDD

Today I uncovered another gem of wisdom from a reader on how to approach your partner's PMDD.  Rather than leaving it buried in the comments section of another post, I've decided to feature it here:

I just found this blog searching for something to help my husband know what to do with me. I feel better now, but I fear I'll regress and we'll struggle again as a family. I have PMDD. I say DO NOT bring it up when she is at her worst. She is completely irrational and doesn't want to answer stupid questions or talk about how she is feeling. [In that moment] it seems so obvious to her that you should know how she is doing. Don't bring it up on a date or otherwise special time between you two. It is better to ruin a good day or week to get her help, than to keep living like how you are and end up divorced.
First, you need to get your wife medical help. When you have an opportunity to talk—not in public—ask her if she's ever had PMS. She may not have realized her moods are associated with her cycle. You're either going to get a "Yes, dumb***" answer or a "No, not really, I don't think so."
Depending on how that goes, tell her you've done some research, you think her moods might be associated to her cycle, or, if she knows she has PMS, that it might be something more serious. Tell her about PMDD. Read her the symptoms. Ask her if this is how she feels sometimes. Feel bad for her, say you're sorry she has to endure that every month. Let her know there is help available.
I know it sounds insane. I know you shouldn't have to put up with it. I also know how well I'm doing now and wonder how much better last year could have been for my marriage if my husband would have reacted to me differently. If he could have said, "How are you doing? Not well? Let's get you to the doctor," instead of "You're so mean and I don’t have to put up with this." I think I would have felt better. I was already on an antidepressant. It wasn't working.
What I need to feel better is a new prescription and a husband who will back off when I'm irritable and take care of the kids. When I have a bad day, I need him to think, "She's mad, hmm, let's look at the calendar, yep, she's pre-menstrual, I'm going to leave her alone, not mention PMS, and take care of the kids until she feels better."
It might be a few hours, it might be a few days, but it won't be a few weeks like it was last year when he was mad at me for having a bad day; then I felt worse, then there was a fear he'd leave me. I get it, I wanted to leave me, too, but women with PMDD, I'll speak for myself at least, need to feel wanted and loved and worth it to help.
So that is my advice, stranger. Ruin a good day to get her the medical help she needs. Say, "I took next Thursday off work, would you like me to take you to the doctor?" If you have kids, arrange babysitting. It's so hard for moms to find an hour to go to the doctor, especially if she doesn't feel she's worth helping. Even if it's not PMDD she has, make sure she gets bloodwork done. They should be testing her thyroid to make sure there aren't issues there.
Either way, good luck, and from the wife's perspective, thank you husbands who stick it out and deal with us. Some of these marriages seem beyond repair, but husbands can do so much to help. Think of how she is doing and what you can do to help, even if that means just leaving her alone for a bit. She’s not rejecting you. She feels like s***. Unless she comes to you, your touch will be repulsive. It’s not personal, it’s just how she feels. Know that she cannot help how she feels when she is pre-menstrual. For me, I feel angry, tired, sad, and irritable so I am distant to try to protect the ones I love most (from me).

Perhaps your wife [doesn't] care so much if she is mean, but I care. I bet deep down she cares too because she loved you enough to marry you and doesn’t want to be mean to you. You don't have to understand it, you won't ever. You just have to love her through it. Hopefully she's worth it to you.