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~Seek first to understand, then be understood~
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I have a "friend" who shows up once a month. She turns my world upside down, over and over again.
I am a good person, caring and sweet, but when she comes to visit, I could rip off your head.
She takes no prisoners, foul words she does spout, I try to keep the words in, she lets them come out.
People don't understand me, or what this is about, to have this creature inside my head.
I despise who I am, half of the time, I feel sorry for my daughter, family and friends.
There's no way to describe it, for those who don't know, it's a living nightmare, she really needs to go.
~Neysia Manor, Rest in Peace

Monday, December 14, 2015

PMDD Quote of the Week

~Knowing it's PMDD doesn't make it any less real or terrifying.~
Posted by Liana at livingwithpmdd.com at 12/14/2015
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3 comments:

  1. JoBoDecember 24, 2015 at 8:54 PM

    Where do I start.... My girlfriend has always had her moods, but I have seemed to dismiss them for reasons here and there. But now we are going on two years of a same sex relationship and her moods havent seemed to make much sense to me. A month or two ago I started to see a patern of her 'mood swings' and started searching things on mood disorders. Somehow I stumbled upon PMDD and after going through all the symptoms and quizes, Im most certain this is what she has and has been going through. Im sure most of you on here are full aware of the symptoms so I wont bother listing them, just know that everything that has been happening in our relationship and her (life) makes a lot more sense now...

    My question is this, how do I tell her I think this is what she has? Obviously I cant tell her now because she is having an episode. I thought about mentioning it when I stumbled across PMDD, but when she came out of it and was happy and we were good again, I was scared bringing it up might trigger something. And quite selfishly, I was just happy to have my girlfriend back.

    But tonight is Christmas Eve, which most of the day I spent alone in the livingroom while she was in bed.... As I began making dinner for us and her mother, Imfound out she told her mom not to come over. I told her I would freely go home if it meant her mom could come over. We went back and forth for about a minute or so and I told her I would do whatever she needed to feel better. She finally said she wanted me to go home, her mom to stay home and for her to be left alone in her house....which I must add has never happened. Either me or her mom has always been there with her when she bought the place. So I agreed, without any fight because I know she needs her space. Its hard because this is our first Christmas in the house (we stay at her place on weekend and at mine during the work week) and we put so much into getting it ready for Christmas.

    Today while i sat alone in the other room I searched for more information regarding PMDD and found Liana's book, PMDD and Relationships. I have read a good chunk of it so far, in which now I am alone at my place and hoping things will be better tomorrow so we can have Christmas. But now After reading, I am more convinced this is what is going on with my girlfriend and I want to tell her, and let her know I support her.

    I guess I am looking for advice as to when and how I tell her. I grew up in an adictive family and I know telling someone they have a problem doesnt always go over so well. This is obviously different, I just want to make sure it comes out the right way.

    Any advice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liana at livingwithpmdd.comDecember 25, 2015 at 7:26 AM

      All I can say is you must approach her during her good time, and let her know you want to help her through this, that you understand what is happening to her is real and not her fault, and that you empathize with what she is going through, even though you don't understand it. But how to bring up the subject of PMDD...The patient guide on the sidebar under the heading You Really Need to Read This discusses PMS and PMDD. Eighty percent of menstruating women suffer some form of PMS. Although they are two different things, you could open the conversation with PMS and perhaps she herself will come to the conclusion it's bigger than that, and she might have PMDD. So print out or download the PDF (A free patient guide with a positive approach to PMS and PMDD) and leave it somewhere where she can read it during a good week only. It really is a great place to start learning about PMDD, and if she is more curious, you can mention this blog and other resources you have found. As the post below the one you commented on says, acknowledge that it must be very hard and lonely to go through what she goes through. Treat her gently, and with acceptance, and without judgment (do not feel sorry for her, ever, or act like she is in any way "sick") Ask if she's ever experienced any of the symptoms listed in whatever you show her. Contact me at info (at) livingwithpmdd (dot) com for more specific information. Without knowing any of your circumstances, I can only offer generalized thoughts. But I hope starting by talking about PMS at least gets a conversation started/door opened for you.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 4, 2016 at 12:46 PM

    I have been reading your blog now for almost three months. My GF of over 10 year’s referenced this to me. She has been diagnosed with PMDD (has had bouts of this since her younger years), referenced you blog to me, to help understand what she going through. The past several years have been tough, and I do “love her”, but in the last few years have not been “in love with her”. Our relationships intimacy and loving has long since gone (over 7 years), so PMDD has taken a toll on our relationship, and as much as I want to stand by her, I’m the least happy I’ve been in over 20 years. She’s currently going through a bout of the PMDD now (last about 5-9 days). To me, it seems we have fewer good days (maybe it’s me harboring the bouts), and medication currently is not an option she wishes to do, since it makes her feel more outside of herself than anything. She’s going through counseling, exercises regularly and eat healthier.
    We use to live together for several years, and then several years ago she moved to her own place. We don’t see each other every day, but when we do during those times, I always have to have my guard up (careful what I say, what I do). My worries come to a travel we are about to embark on, (prepaid) in a place we can’t get away from each other very easily or at all. Charting her bouts, her next would mostly likely occur during this travel. I really need some advice on what to do? We have not directly talked about this current bout (giving her, her space). I want to maintain our relationship, but every time this gets harder and harder, sometimes I feel like I am hanging to something that inevitably will crash hard.

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