Declare Your Independence from PMDD - Nutrition Matters

Today we offer a two-for-one post, with a guest segment from Julie, a woman who, like me, has taken the responsibility for management of her PMDD symptoms into her own hands.  Read on to find out how and why. 

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. ~Hippocrates, founder of the Hippocratic School of Medicine

Julie starts:  Over a decade ago, I sat down with a doctor and burst into tears. Literally within moments, I had a prescription for an antidepressant.

I left feeling ashamed and deficient somehow. The drug didn't help at all and I was cycled through various others to see if one would finally work for me. When I decided to quit the search, I was tapered off of everything and felt like bolts of lightning were jolting through my body for weeks.

Nobody ever asked about my diet.

I've had three idiopathic blood clots. That means doctors can't identify what caused them. But now I take an anticoagulant for the rest of my life. For years, I've had to be careful about which foods I ate because certain foods could interfere with the medicine.

I even saw a gastroenterologist who wrote me a prescription for an anti-anxiety drug before printing me a list of foods that might be the culprit behind my constantly upset belly. There was no real plan, no follow-through. Just a drug to treat the symptoms.

I was told that my symptoms were all in my head and just manifesting themselves in my gut. I felt broken and shamed again.

Yoga was my first step in recovering from depression. I'm now a registered yoga teacher and practice almost daily. I meditate and take long walks to soothe my nervous anxiety. I have been gluten-free for years and until recently ate what I thought to be a fairly healthy diet. I don't drink or smoke or even drink caffeine. Most people who know me would probably consider me somewhat of a health nut.

One day it occurred to me that I would never just "open my medicine cabinet and start swallowing random handfuls of drugs." I don't even take Tylenol without checking to see if it's safe with anything else I have to take. But I do this with food. I open the refrigerator and...

I [finally realized that I] paid more attention to the appetizing picture on the package than to what was actually in the package. I finally understood that FOOD IS MEDICINE and that literally every single cell in my body was made of the food I chose to eat.

For the past several weeks, I've been eating nothing but clean food. I've removed all dairy, grains, legumes, soy, and sugar from my diet. I have piled my plate with veggies, fruit, and protein. Everything has been delicious and satisfying. I've definitely lost weight, and I've never felt deprived or gone to bed hungry.

But I've also gained strength and endurance. My sleep has improved. My skin is happy. And my resting heart rate has dropped steadily.

And this happened after only two weeks!

I'm much happier these days than I was a decade ago. I've fought for my own happiness. I now know who I am and what I need to feel like me. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs are helpful to many and there's no shame in taking them—none—but they've become so stigmatized that we sometimes get defensive about them instead of fairly examining the whole picture.

None of the doctors I met ever asked me about my diet. I was told that my symptoms were all in my head. Who cares that my head happens to be connected to the rest of my body?

What we eat matters and affects our entire being, not just our physical body.

Did you know that body fat secretes hormones? It works like an organ. If any other organ were enlarged and throwing the rest of your system out of whack, you'd probably consider that a problem.

Food is comforting. These past weeks have been emotionally exhausting. I got a call from the vet who has been treating our beloved dog for his leukemia. When they diagnosed him, they said he had 7-60 days left. He fought for more than six months! Even so, the vet confirmed that we had to say goodbye. He suggested euthanasia was the most compassionate response. It was gut-wrenching. I was standing in Target sobbing and calling around looking for someone to come to the house that night to help my dog transition in peace.

During that situation and other, equally stressful situations, I found myself face to face with the reality that I use food to comfort myself. I longed for sugar, cream, grains... Cookies, basically. I stared at the brightly colored bags of treats and imagined what it would be like to eat them. To feel their crunch and sweetness and melting chocolate. I felt alarms going off in my head like an addict fighting to stay clean amid temptation. I pushed my cart through the store with eyes red from crying and left with my commitment to a clean diet intact.

Once at home, I made myself a bowl of chia seed pudding with coconut milk and cream, bananas, blueberries, and love. It satisfied and comforted me. It nourished me instead of making me feel sick and sad.

It's okay and good and right to feel comforted by your food. Food is medicine. Food is one of the truest joys in life. Learning to see food for what it really is has been an intense and eye-opening experience.

If you're looking to learn more about all of this, please go find a copy of the book, It Starts with Food. Written by a certified sports nutritionist, it's an absolutely fascinating and inspiring read.

Liana adds:  So make today the day you declare your independence from PMDD.  In addition to whatever treatment plan you are following, take a good, hard look at your food habits.  What you eat, when you eat, where you eat, and why you eat.  Read up on food and nutrition and how it all works to support and sustain your brain and body.  Do what you can to eat clean(er)—and feel the difference for yourself.  Become more body aware as you start to feel healthier. 

Make changes in small increments if that's the only way you can stick to a plan.  Baby steps. 

That's the way I did it, and, like Julie, my symptoms have eased to barely worth mentioning in the year and a half  I have been eating cleaner.  So much so that I haven't needed to take anything for anger, irritability, depression, mood swings or anxiety other than an extra 100mg of progesterone as needed.  (I wear an estrogen patch (.75.mg) and take 100 mg progesterone capsule at bedtime daily.  I take an added dose of progesterone (either via a second 100 mg capsule or a dime-size dollop of progesterone cream) on days when I feel symptomatic.)

Nutrition matters.  And you deserve to be nourished, not pacified.  So give cleaning up your diet a sincere effort, like Julie and I have.  There's nobody out there who can or even will do it for you.  It has to come from you.

Then, once you, too, feel stronger and have more stamina and energy—mentally, emotionally, and physically—you may be able, with the supervision of your medical practitioner, to be weaned from any substances (or situations) you have determined are making you feel worse...instead of better. 

And wouldn't that be something to celebrate?

Readers can find Julie on Instagram @hideadollar and can reach Liana either through posting a comment here or by emailing her at info (at) livingwithpmdd (dot) com.

PMDD: A Handbook for Partners

At the request of my readers, I have written a PMDD book especially for partners of women with PMDD:

PMDD: A Handbook for Partners  

Does your wife or girlfriendʼs personality change drastically every month? Like clockwork? Youʼre far from alone. It could be Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or PMDD, a debilitating hormonal disorder which affects 3 - 8% of women in their fertile years, including many using birth control. PMDD is what makes it seem like sheʼs gone Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on you once, sometimes twice a month. Sometimes even for half of each month or more.

Inspired by the most-read posts in the blog Living on a Prayer, Living with PMDD, this book is for the partners of women with PMDD. Inside you will find insights as to what is going on in her mind during her seemingly inexplicable bouts of confusion, irritability, anger, rage, fear, anxiety, sadness and/or despair, what contributes to her state of emotional chaos, and tips on how to cope with and care for the woman you love during these, her most vulnerable days of the month.

Thereʼs no need for you to ride the rollercoaster of PMDD like you do. There are ways to help her manage her PMDD. Let this book help you to do just that, and find peace in the midst of the wildly careening emotions that PMDD brings into your relationship and life.

On sale now for Kindle at Amazon.  Introductory price of $4.99.  Available in print from Amazon as well for $9.99.  More than 200 pages of information and understanding about what itʼs like to be caught up in the unpredictability of a relationship with a woman who has PMDD, and what you can do about it.

PMDD, the Holidays, and Relationships

Going into the holiday season, often a time of stress in general, but especially so for PMDD women, who often can not predict how we will feel or how much energy or motivation we will have from day to day, I thought I'd revisit a few posts on relationships to remind us of what's important, what's not, and what we can do about it.

Here are the links to my series of posts about all sorts of relationships, because between now and when life settles down again in January, we'll most likely be dealing with more people than we do the rest of the year combined. So feel free to bookmark this page, and refer to it as needed :)

Relationships Begin With You

Learning to Treat Yourself Like a Friend

HOW to be a Friend to Yourself

Choosing Your Friends Wisely

Choosing Your Family

How to Survive Family Gatherings

It's Not Personal, It's Just Your PMDD

Finding the Right Partner

Dealing with PMDD - Advice for Men

and, as a gentle reminder,

They Only See Our Failures

Take care, God Bless, and may your holidays be happy.

PMDD and Making Hard Choices, a Guest Post by Kit

In my Voices of PMDD series, we spent the summer of 2014 hearing from women with PMDD and their partners, through blogposts describing the struggles and challenges they face monthly.  Going into fall, I'd like to focus on some solutions various women with PMDD have found.  Since every woman's PMDD is different in the symptoms she feels and the severity of those symptoms, not every suggestion regarding relief will work, but I offer these posts in the hopes that something will strike a chord somewhere, and at least put you on the path to lessening your PMDD pain, be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.

Today's guest post is written by Kit, and comes filled with great wisdom, and several positive choices for feeling better.  That said, here's Kit: 

Apart from feeling a little tense/dramatic during ovulation weekend and a little teary the day before my period began, this month has been so easy. My symptoms have been getting better over the last two years. When I look back to how badly PMDD used to affect me (3 out of 4 weeks), chronically suicidal most months, I just can't believe how it is now...

Here is how I choose to live now compared to before.

BEFORE

Chose boyfriends who didn't understand, sympathise, and had their own crazy issues going on — boyfriends I chose, so I'd feel less F'd up and—ironically—more equal.

Had friends that took from me and drained me because PMDD makes it hard to create continuity of self and therefore friendships can be tricky. So when they took, drained, and crossed boundaries ... I rolled with it—thinking I should be grateful for their friendship. 

Thought of myself as having this big secret from the world that I couldn't control and was ashamed of. I spent a fair amount of time thinking about what others would think, especially when I was ill.

Shut myself away for weeks on end to protect the life I had just spent weeks building again.

Tried hormonal medications, anti-depressants, and supplements, all of which gave me side effects and changed the flavour of the PMDD to the point of not being worth it.

Worked 9-5 in a high-powered job, with a boss with questionable ethics, which made me ill via the ethical distress and stress of my workload, while spending 4 weeks a month trying to be the same person every day.

Generally believed I couldn't make a change from any of these because it would be impossible. How could I maintain my relationships, jobs, family, etc. if I tried to change all the above?

NOW

I chose a partner with understanding, tolerance and, most importantly the willingness to co-manage my PMDD with me—what a difference that one makes!

I chose a partner who is as self-aware as I am when it comes to his own journey.

My attitude is : I am a good catch; if I get ill, I am ill, if my partner started to be unsupportive I would wait until I was in my good time, and then talk from a point of grounded logic, explaining that I need someone who can give me support and understanding and that's what I deserve and if that's not him, he can leave now. 

I now offer Zero Tolerance to anyone who's going to risk making me ill by their own silliness.

I now only have friends who respect my boundaries; I phased out those that didn't.  It wasn't easy but, wow, has it made a difference in my life and in my PMDD.

I no longer have a 'secret' but I don't choose to tell others unless we're close ... I tell them what PMDD is but don't go into details. I don't care what others think. I know what I have, I know it is real. I do not need to communicate it, or hear their acceptance to accept myself. I have worked hard on accepting myself as I am, PMDD and ADHD warts and all, using the Strong Notes app.

I am still careful about planning social occasions around my bad times. I don't feel badly about saying 'No' — it's what I have to do to be kind to myself. Unnecessary stress that you choose to opt out of, no matter what others may think, can reduce your PMDD symptoms.

I am on Methylphenidate for my ADHD, and so far taking a really low amount, but it works wonders with my ADHD and could be having an effect on my PMDD, too. I would love for others to try it and see how it quiets the inner thoughts and mind tumble dryers we all get stuck in during PMDD mode. 

Using an app called Strong Notes, I send myself accepting/loving messages from my 'well self' to read on my bad days, feeding my strength back to myself on days I can't access it from within.

I have separated my 'well self' from my 'ill self' in my mind so I don't brand the 'true well me' with an ill tarnish. It helps to be sympathetic to my 'ill self' when well, and remember my 'well self' when ill. 

This is so important : I now identify when ill that how I'm feeling is real and not just my imagination.

I quit my ego stroking 9-5, 4 weeks a month job to pursue another working model that allows me to be ill when ill and kick ass when well.

I sought help from a mental health charity that supports people trying to make life work for them while struggling with a mental health problem. Successfully got a government business loan to start a business. I was honest about the PMDD and it was never even brought up as an issue.

I now believe that I am worth drastically changing my life for. I don't put myself in situations where I am stressed, and in turn my PMDD is at rest rather than flared up. I still know it's there but it's controllable.

I've read and live by Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now.

I eat foods with high nutrients but also still eat crap (sugar, etc.) when I want to, and for me it makes no difference. Food diets aren't ever as impactful as emotional diets in my opinion.

Signed up for all business/mental health support organisations to have mentors to keep me on track and to keep reminding myself that I am worth the hassle.

This is all just one story but I thought I would share it with you in case any of you are feeling ready to go on an emotional diet, too, or should I call it a MIND DETOX. I stayed in bad situations, feeling like a victim, for too long. I missed out on my teens and twenties for sure, but I am no longer going to be a victim to society's views, or the acceptance of others. 

I have PMDD. It means I must live accordingly. I choose to make my life better by taking the actions needed to protect and progress myself.

Love to you all.  I know we know each other's darkness all too well. I hope some of this helps.

K xxx

Choosing Your Friends Wisely - Whether You Have PMDD Or Not

Okay, so we’ve learned that Relationships Begin With You, and that you need to be a friend to yourself before you can be a friend to anyone else, and that being a friend to yourself starts with slowing down and listening to yourself, mind, body, heart, and soul.

For instance, I’m late with this post because yesterday I was listening to my body and being good to myself. I woke up with a tremendous pain in my neck, one that had kept me up for most of the night, so I called my chiropractor first thing, made my first appointment in months, and then actually listened to him when he told me to go home and take it easy, instead of throwing myself headlong back into my life. I came home and took a three-hour nap, then spent the evening reading a book. This morning, I made sure I attended my Qigong (slow movement and stretching) class, knowing that would help to keep my positive healing energy going.

Was there a lot I didn’t get done? Yes. But do I feel 100% better? Yes. Much better than slogging through the day, trying to cross half a dozen more things off my to-do list before the holidays. Things that will still be there to do after the holidays. Right now, I need to take care of me, or I will be miserable over the holidays and no fun to be around at all.

So…that’s the difference that comes from listening to my body and attending to—instead of ignoring--its needs. Since I started doing this unfailingly, I haven’t had a PMDD episode to speak of. I’ve had a dip or two in mood that was quickly boosted by eating some whole-grain carbs, but other than that, life has been on a pretty even keel for several months now.

So today I want to talk about relationships with friends. A lot of women with PMDD have at one time or another isolated ourselves, because we don’t feel friends or family will ‘understand’ when we are having an episode, so it’s easier just to go into isolation and deal with it alone.

Easier, but is it healthier? Wouldn’t it be nice to know you’re still loved and people still want to be around you, even when you feel the most unloveable?

You do this by choosing your friends wisely. You do this by choosing friends who are patient, kind, and understanding. You do this by moving away from people who are not. As a PMDD woman, you need to look out for yourself, because nobody is going to do it for you. If this means ending or scaling back a few friendships and/or relationships, then so be it.

You have to do what is right for you. Why would you want to remain in a friendship that isn’t healthy for you?

You decide who you want to have in your life, and who you don’t. You don’t have to cut former friends out completely. You can simply put some distance between you--see them less often, speak less often, or speak only when you run into each other during social events--just don’t do anything one on one anymore.

Instead, surround yourself with the kind of person you would like to be. To me, that’s kind, caring, giving, compassionate, and loving. I’ve moved away from anyone who doesn’t embody the kind of qualities I want to see more of in my life. I’ve moved away from those who are negative, demeaning, demanding, needy, and live lives full of drama they create themselves.

Some people need a lot of drama in their lives to be happy. I’m not one of them.

I’m not saying you can only be friends with people who are the same as you…or people without any problems (is there such a person??)...not at all. I have many different friends, with all sorts of different lifestyles, problems, interests and beliefs--but they all hold the same caring qualities in common. They have patience and understanding, tolerance and compassion, and accept when I tell them I’m having an episode and can’t really participate in whatever is going on.

They allow me to talk about my PMDD openly, and even though they don’t understand it, and can not imagine what I am going through, they accept that I am going through something that is extremely painful, upsetting, and draining for me.

They don’t try to talk me out of it, tell me to get over it, tell me I’m being a witch or boring or no fun, or tell me to “smile,” “relax,” or “just cheer up.”

They let me be quiet when I need to be quiet, and understand if I say things that don’t quite make sense.

On my part, I feel it’s up to me not to snap at or lash out at these friends, and so I take full responsibility for that. If I slip, I apologize immediately, and explain that I am having a PMDD day.

Remember, your PMDD is an explanation, but never an excuse.

In this way I have created a circle of friends who might not understand fully what PMDD is about, but respect and understand that I know what’s going on, and if I say I’m having a bad day, then they accept that I am having a bad day, and don’t expect or ask for more than I am willing to give.

Sometimes I don’t feel like going out or meeting anyone at all. Sometimes I will go to whatever it is, a meeting, a dinner, a lunch, or church, and just sit there and be quiet. Sometimes I will openly talk about what I am feeling inside, and how it completely goes against the reality of my life. (Or how my inner thoughts reflect the opposite of what is going on in my life, and how that doesn't make any sense at all.)

My life is pretty darn good. I have been abundantly blessed in ways tangible and intangible. I have a supportive family, caring and understanding friends, a warm and comfortable home, work that fulfills me, and a son who has been well-trained to deal with a woman’s hormonal moods--while at the same time accepting no disrespect from me or any other woman because of those moods.

I didn’t always have these things. I’ve been working at it for ten years, slowly pruning away what needed to go, and moving into the forefront of my life what needed to stay for me to live the kind of life I want to live—calm, creative, fulfilling, and productive.

I lost touch with some friends along the way. But as I began to better understand myself, I gained new, more accepting and understanding friends.

Studies show that if you hang around certain kinds of people, you will become more like them. If you surround/align yourself with hard workers, you’ll work harder; if you surround yourself with positive people, you’ll be more positive; if you hang around with those who take an active part in maintaining their health and well-being, you’ll be more active and healthier overall; if you keep company with goal-oriented people, you’ll attain a few goals, yourself.

In general, if you hang around successful people, you’ll be more successful.

The flip side of that works just as well: if you surround yourself with complainers, you’ll complain more; if you surround yourself with people who like to overindulge in food, drink, toxic environments or substances, whatever; you’ll do more of the same. If you hang with people who do things you know are detrimental to your health and well-being, you’ll do more than you may personally want to, just to fit in.

So choose the people you want to be with carefully. If you want to be well, then make friends with those who are also trying to be well. If you want to complain, then make friends with those who complain. Either way, you will have friends…

But which friends are more likely to help you make progress toward successfully managing your PMDD?

Think about it, and then adjust your life accordingly. Listen to your body, notice how you feel before, during, or after you’re around certain people. Some people can get you churned up just thinking about being around them. Take time to notice who these people are in your life. Don’t just go through life on auto-pilot, accepting whatever comes your way. That’s probably what got you where you are today, and why you’re reading this post.

So slow down, come to know yourself, make friends with yourself, and then choose the rest of your friends wisely. One small step at a time.

Until you have the life you really want.

Relationships - How To Be A Friend To Yourself

Okay, so I’ve said that Relationships Begin With You, and to love or be a friend to others, you first need to love or be a friend to yourself. What exactly does that mean? I mean, if somebody told me I need to be a better friend to myself, I’d probably get annoyed. What are you talking about, be a better friend to myself? I treat myself just fine, thank you. Give me some real advice, why don’t you? Don’t just spout platitudes like you’ve got it all covered, and I don’t.
So I started thinking about it. What does that even look like, being a friend to myself? How does one go about doing such a thing? The first answer I came up with was: Easy to say, hard to do. And why is it so hard? Because it requires thought. And most of us barely have time to think anymore, especially at this time of year. We live in a world of instant this, instant that, where technology has sped our lives up so much that half the time we don’t know whether we’re coming or going. All we know is we’re racing here and there, trying to get everything done that we think needs doing in December.
But we’re not really thinking, are we? We’re just doing. We’re doing all the things we’ve been conditioned to do since the cradle. We’ve accepted that this is how it is, this is how it’s got to be, and the last thing we have time for is to think about being good to ourselves. That, we leave up to the others in our circle, be it friends, family, or co-workers.
Wrong approach. Because everyone else is just as busy as you are, and people are only going to treat you with the same amount of care and respect that you give yourself. So to be good to yourself, the very first thing you have to do is SLOW DOWN. This goes against the grain, I know. If you’re a list-maker, you’ve probably got a list that has at least 50 things on it you need to do between now and the end of the year. You don’t have time to stop and think. Maybe come January you will, maybe not. Maybe by then you’ll have a whole new list to work off—that list containing your New Year’s Resolutions that somehow you never get around to following completely through on.
And why is this? Because while our intentions are good, most of us don’t stop and think about how to make those intentions a reality.
Awareness is the key—to success in all things, including being good to yourself.
You can start by asking yourself one simple question: What is the best thing for me to be doing right now? Right now is the critical part of the question. What is the best thing for me to be doing for my health and well-being right now? Is it making a healthy breakfast? Reading a daily meditation? Driving a parent to a doctor’s appointment? Cleaning the bathroom?
That’s a valid answer, because there are some of us who don’t feel right or settled unless the environment around us is clean and orderly. Others don’t care, so the answer would be different for them. And that’s okay. But try this for a week. Several times a day, stop and ask yourself, what is the best way to spend my time right now? What is the most important thing I need to take care of right now?
Don’t just run through your days like a mouse in a maze. Take the time to become consciously aware of what you are doing, and why you are doing it, each and every minute—or for as many minutes as you can hold the thought, while racing from commitment to commitment, or obligation to obligation.
Maybe it’s work. You need to get paid. Then be aware that you’re going to work, in order to get paid, so that you can provide your family with food, shelter, clothing, or luxuries. Are you going to work for a bigger TV, a fancier cell phone, or a new stove? Are you going to work for an island vacation, a school tuition bill, or new braces? Why are you doing what you’re doing, and is it the right reason and the best use of your time?
If not, then notice the gap between where you are and where you want to be, and think about what you can do to close that gap.
What about our so-called free time? Say you’re at home. What is the best way you can be using your time right now? Is it changing the sheets, helping a child with homework, paying bills, or do you just need a little time out? Time out to read a book, play with the kids, call your mother, or maybe make a cup of tea and sit down long enough to catch your breath, then jump back onto the treadmill of your life.
If you never ask yourself this question, you’ll never answer it. And if you take the time to answer it, you will more than likely be surprised by the answer.
The interesting thing is once you start asking yourself this question of what is the best thing I could be doing with my time right now, your priorities will start to fall in line, and you’ll start coming closer to where you want to be, to being the person you want to be.
I compare it to choosing a house. Many of us move into houses that are already built, and then work with what we have. But what if you had the opportunity to create your own house, to design it to have everything you ever wanted in a home? Fifteen years ago, I couldn’t have even envisioned the idea. I thought I had no opinions on such things. The question never arose, so I never considered it.
But then I had the opportunity to design my own house from scratch, and I found out I had very definite opinions on what I wanted. It was easier than I ever would have thought, to go into a store and pick out tile and countertops and flooring and lights and fixtures.
But nobody had ever asked me before, what I liked or didn’t like about my house, and so I never considered it. I just worked with or around what I had.
The same can be said of your life. What do you like or not like about it? What would you change if you could? What would you design differently if you could start from scratch? Then why don’t you? Start now. Start where you are. Start by taking a moment here and there to think about what you are doing right now, in this moment, and why. Then choose what you want to be doing next, and move in that direction. Eventually, you’ll find out you have very distinct opinions on what you like and don’t like, and how you do and don’t like to spend your time, who you do and don’t like to be around, what you do and don’t like to eat, what gives you energy and life, and what drains you of both.
But to do that, you have to start taking the time out to ask yourself one simple question: What is the most important thing I could be doing for myself right now?
Is it taking a few deep breaths, is it eating an orange, is it dropping a casserole off for a sick friend, or running an errand for a family member? It doesn’t have to be all about you. But it does have to be about what makes you feel good inside, because when you feel good inside, then you’re being a good friend to yourself.
Right now I need to get this blog post done. Why? Because it’s Wednesday morning and people will be stopping by the blog, expecting something new to be there. But at the same time, my cat has jumped onto my lap, looking for some love. Do I get annoyed and throw her off, because I have something else to do, or do I stop what I am doing to pet her and coo at her and give her what she came looking for?
I stop. I slow down long enough to feel the softness of her fur, appreciate the way she pushes her head into my hands, and listen to the contented rumble of her purr. I smile and use both hands, cuddling and stroking her until she relaxes and settles in my lap, happy just to be with me. She knew what she wanted, what she needed, and she came looking for it. It took maybe all of two minutes. She’s happy, and I’m happy, and we can both get on with our day. She, snoozing on my lap, and me, continuing to type.
What would have been served by throwing her off, by telling her I was too busy to deal with her right now? I learn a lot from my cats. When they’re hungry they eat, when they’re sleepy, they sleep. They don’t worry about what’s coming up next. They live in the moment, and are fully present to whatever is around them, be it a sunbeam on the carpet, the sound of the can opener, or somebody at the door.
We need to slow down like that. We need to be fully present in the moment. When we’re folding laundry or doing dishes, that’s what we need to be doing. Nothing more, and nothing less. We need to take the time to let our thoughts roam free, not use that time to make more lists in our head or angst about things already over and done with, or what we’re going to be doing twenty minutes from now. In twenty minutes, we’ll deal with whatever is happening then.
When we’re driving, we need to be driving, and not doing anything else. When we’re at the store, we need to be shopping, and nothing else. When we’re talking to another person, we need to be doing that, and nothing else. When we’re praying, we need to be praying. The same goes for having a meal, so that we can stop and think about what we are putting into our bodies. Is it something that is good for us, or not? Or are we just wolfing down fast food while we chauffeur the kids to wherever it is they have to go and talking on the phone in between bites?
Tell me. How is that being good to yourself?

Liana Laverentz is the award-winning author of two books on PMDD, PMDD and Relationships, and PMDD: A Handbook for Partners.  Both books are based on the most asked questions by her readers, and therefore the most popular posts on this blog. Both books are also an excellent resource for understanding your PMDD and for starting a meaningful conversation with loved ones who want to know more about this debilitating disorder we live with daily.