PMDD, A Conversation with Someone Who KNOWS

Trust the process that got you here to get you through.

For today's post, I have taken a rather lengthy reader comment from one of my previous posts and re-formatted my reply to resemble a question and answer session, because, as you will see, the original comment touched on several  questions/ideas many of us have wondered about over time. 

By answering the reader here, I can reach more people.  So here goes:

Hello, Liana, 

I can't thank you enough for having the courage to put this blog out there and then be honest and specific about your symptoms and coping mechanisms as it relates to them. You wrote "No egg, no sadness. Woo hoo! Party time!" which just explained to me why some months feel suicidal and some months LIFE IS WONDERFUL!

Hard not to think one is crazy when all of this bullshit is happening.

Hello, T!  Welcome to my blog, and thank you for taking the time to write, especially in such detail.  I appreciate your affirmation and support.  And yes, the "no released egg, no symptoms" aspect of PMDD tends to throw just about everybody off and make countless women doubt their sanity.  Especially in our later years, as we begin to release fewer and fewer eggs.

It would almost make it bearable if there was a higher purpose to it, a reason why.

I've thought that same thing many times.  One day I decided the higher purpose to my PMDD is to write about it.  I spent many years thinking I was crazy, and then, finally, it hit me that "Surely there must be others out there like me, who think they are crazy.  I need to let them know (through writing about my PMDD experiences and research) that they are not."

So my blog was born during a five month period when my book editing business was slow.  I had three website pages completed before I realized the website was too static, and I needed to do a blog.  20 blog posts later my business picked up again and it's been a struggle to find time for my PMDD research and writing ever since. 

For a few years, I let my research slide.  No time.  Then, when I was ready to start up again, I had to re-do all of my research, in case new information had surfaced while I was busy doing other things.

And it had.  In the past two years, the news about PMDD has increased exponentially.  I get a Google alert every other day about someone writing something about PMDD.  So I go there to check it out.  Because, as many of us have learned the hard way, you can't trust just anything you read on the internet.  There are a LOT of supposed health sites that have jumped on the PMDD bandwagon, just to pull in readers.  Sites that I can now pick out when (because I've been researching PMDD for over a decade) they don't understand the first thing about PMDD.  Old information recycled as new, some information slanted to achieve a certain goal or just plain false, but enough of the article close enough to known facts to confuse someone new to the subject....

Anyway, I decided my mission/higher purpose would be to sort out the fact from fiction, and publish my findings here and elsewhere.

I haven't gotten to the elsewhere part yet, due to family and work obligations, and then, in 2013, there was my surprise brain surgery. 

But back to your comments:  I don't see a lot of people mentioning ANXIETY! as a symptom but it sure is one of mine, a surge of cortisol and other hormones so big it triggers obsessive violent thoughts and then it all subsides once period time gets here.

Anxiety is a huge problem for a lot of people.  I'm not sure if I'm one of them, mostly because I manage my environment around my PMDD,  so I don't put myself in situations that feed my anxiety.  But my anxieties are different from those of others, because there are a LOT of things I think nothing of, that terrify others.  And some things that terrify me, that don't bother others at all.

Educate yourself, learn to love yourself in spite of all the shit your head comes up with; there is some putting up with [this shit] that goes along with [PMDD].

I couldn't agree more, and that is what my blog is about.  I've sifted through probably 90% of the current information on the internet and in books relevant to PMDD and put the best of it on my blog.  If not in the posts, then on the sidebars, where there are links to all sorts of good resources.

For the men, if you love the woman, get educated about this as much as you can, I strongly recommend reading "Female Brain Gone Insane" by Mia Lundin.

I agree completely, and have a link to that same book in the sidebar of my blog.  Another excellent read is The Female Brain, by Dr. Louann Brizendine.

In it [Ms. Lundin] sheds tremendous light on this subject and offers great natural suggestions for relief,  but the only way out [of PMDD] is [to go] through it. [That] doesn't mean you guys take any abuse, but for the love of everything that is holy do not get confrontational—rather go for a walk or something.

Again, I agree 100% and have written three blog posts specifically for the partners of women with PMDD. 

For the ladies thinking hysterectomy as an end to this, PLEASE DON'T DO IT.  It is the easy way out and when the storm-tsunami-holocaust of this mess passes you will need those eggs!  Hysterectomy is the first thing OBGYN offers because it is a money maker.

I agree in that I believe most hysterectomies to lessen the horror of PMDD are unnecessary, and find it very saddening that there are so many women willing to die early (because hysterectomies do shorten your life span), risk their lives with major surgery, and take the very real chance that the operation won't help your PMDD symptoms at all if they don't take out your ovaries as well.  Also, when you get a hysterectomy, you go on hormone replacement therapy afterward, which just messes with your hormones all over again.  I would LOVE to hear from women who have had a hysterectomy for PMDD (not any other reason) and found it to be worth the risk, cost, lost time, health complications, and shortened life span in the end. 

I know your PMDD symptoms make you feel desperate, but I do not believe a hysterectomy is the answer.  Neither does Winnifed B. Cutler, PhD, and her reasons why are outlined in her book, Hormones and Your Health, also pictured in the sidebar of this blog. 

Please, please, ladies, do your research before you make this life altering decision.  Don't let emotion guide you, but rather the facts.

Of course all I have said is from personal experience and is easier said than done. So  please, please, please, take what you like and leave the rest.

To that I add, if you have already had a hysterectomy for your PMDD, just start where you are with improving your health and living the best and fullest life you can for the rest of your days.  Good nutrition, rest, exercise, and lowering stress are a recipe for better health for everyone, not just those of us with PMDD or hormonal mood disorders.

Pray a lot! Talk it out, DO NOT ISOLATE. This monster wants you in a corner and it wants you dead or to make you hurt someone else and usually that someone else is a loved one, although strangers can get a backlash too.

She nails it, don't you think?  PMDD is a monster determined to bend you to its will, and do as much damage as it can to your world along the way. 

I take megadoses of vitamin C, to bowel tolerance and after a few months, something inside is building back up, [and my] energy is slowly starting to come back, [but] JUST FOR TODAY.

One day at a time.  It's all any of us can do.  But vitamin C is a great place to start. 

I am 48 now. Something new is I get my period twice a month for the last two months and I feel my ovaries churning when an egg is released. I also feel hard in the lower belly before [my] period starts (something new).

I, too, get my period more often now.  Every three weeks instead of four. And I can feel when I ovulate as well.

In addition I want to shed some light from another blog I read, women who go through this, usually have had some early trauma in their lives (even or especially if they don't consciously remember) and then, spiritually speaking, the pain (stuck energy) is trying to work itself out of your body through the horrors of PMDD (just something to think about).

Don't sell yourself short, T.  I believe this can be the case as well.  And there have been scientific studies that prove a correlation between a traumatic childhood, childhood trauma in general, and sexual abuse and PMDD.  I plan to write more about it one day.  But for now I will say that for me personally, my PMDD and then period at the end of the cycle is like a huge purging of all that has distressed me in life and not yet been dealt with.  I used to let it take control.  No more.  Now I basically make note of what comes up during that time and deal with it when I'm feeling strong enough to handle it like a responsible adult. 

As for you Liana, you are the first person [to] have actually made feel and believe to the core of my being that this is not forever, that in fact "this too shall pass" and that I am not bad or crazy or being punished by the gods for all of my sins of being an imperfect human.

You are correct.  PMDD does not last forever.  It ends with menopause.  (It does, however, get worse during perimenopause if left untreated.)

You are not bad.

You are not crazy.

And you are not being punished for any sins.

I can't thank you enough and these posts in and of themselves are very cathartic. This is such an amazing twisted, enlightening, terrifying process, that I even wrote poetry a few years back and I never wrote a poem in my life...it is as if the garbage [we] accumulate over a lifetime is trying to get out of you and your true beautiful Self is trying to shine through.

Every woman's experience is different, but yes, writing or journaling about your PMDD can be extremely cathartic, and like I said above, I have long felt that my PMDD brings to the surface many things I tend overlook/avoid/suppress during my "good" times... either out of fear, denial, or the desire to avoid a confrontation.  I have read so many Facebook posts where women describe having a meltdown and then take the blame for the entire incident and don't even realize or acknowledge that the other person was yes, indeed, being a jerk.  (And that anyone in that same situation would have a right to be upset.)  It's always the PMDD that takes 100% of the blame, and not the 50% actions of the other party. 

Ladies, it takes two to make a relationship and it takes two to break one.  It's that simple.

So stop blaming your PMDD for every confrontation/mishap that happens in your life.  Other people do mean and stupid things too...what is their explanation?

Because PMDD is an explanation, not an excuse.  If you take nothing more away from this blog post than that, you will be doing something positive for yourself in 2015.

And now, a fitting farewell from our special guest interviewer, which I think sums up what many of us are feeling and experiencing.

Because [of] ALL OF YOU, I feel less alone, less insane and more hopeful. Something that comes HARD to me, but that I am working on is: SURRENDER, ACCEPTANCE AND TRUST.

As are we all; me, as well.  At the moment, I am working on exactly those three things.  Starting January 1, I've taken a 6-month hiatus from my income-generating work to focus on my PMDD blog and books, and it's going to take a lot of surrender, acceptance, and trust to see this whole thing through.

But letters like T's have convinced me it's the right thing to do.

That said, I join T. in wishing you all love and light and tons of resilience, faith, and strength in the coming year.  Happy 2015, ladies, and may it be the year YOUR beautiful Self shines through!
Blessings,

Liana

Stress and the PMDD Woman

So what causes stress in a PMDD woman?

Well, trauma, for one.   Trauma, (such as a life-threatening accident, war, imprisonment, witnessing or being the victim of a violent crime, including abuse of any sort, a death or major upheaval in the family, especially one over which you feel you have no control) can predispose a woman toward PMDD.  Incidents of trauma like these create neural pathways in the brain that can lead a woman with PMDD to over-react both physiologically and emotionally to normal everyday stressors in her life by producing an excess of "fight or flight" hormones, among other things.  Once this neural pathway has been opened, via trauma, the ruts are established and only get deeper with each new stressor.

 

To top it off, stress can contribute to further chemical imbalances in the brain.

So which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Is it stress that aggravates your PMDD or does your PMDD stress you out? 

 

The answer is both.  Lucky you.

Other sources of stress that work both ways include: 

Addiction

PMDD women are more prone to addictive behaviors, including sexual addiction, relationships addiction, drug addiction, nicotine addiction, alcohol abuse, and emotional eating, all of which bring stress into your life. 

Substance Abuse

This has to do with the reward/pleasure center of the brain, which is basically not working right during an episode of PMDD.  What you think will bring you pleasure or relief from your weepiness and edginess and anger in fact does not, because your brain is not processing information properly to start with.

The following has nothing to do with substance abuse, but is just one example of how my brain doesn't work right during that time...I walk around the track at my local gym.  I time myself.  On a good, comfortable day, I can do one lap in one minute.  Sometimes I can do it in 55 seconds, when I am pushing myself, and sometimes I'm just not feeling up to par and it takes an extra 5 - 10 seconds.  

But on an average day, I do one lap in one minute.

When I am having an episode of PMDD and force myself to go and walk around the track, and I feel like I am moving through molasses and every step is a challenge...imagine my surprise to discover that according to the second hand of the clock, I am actually moving at my normal pace of one lap per minute.

PMDD screws with your perceptions.  Of everything.

This includes what you see, what you hear, what you feel, what you think, and what you reach for to numb the pain.

Depressed people in general like to self-medicate (Remember, the first D in PMDD stands for Dysphoria, or depression) and jumpstart the reward/pleasure center of the brain with external substances, both legal and illegal.  But the PMDD brain does not respond properly to these stimulants, leaving the woman vulnerable to addiction.  Things that only add to the muddle going on in your brain are unresolved conflicts from the past, destructive behavior patterns, cycles of abuse, day to day stress, relationship issues, and cultural conditioning--all of which can lead to substance abuse in non-PMDD women as well.

So not only do the same things that set other women off set PMDD women off, but:

Our brains do not process the information properly during an episode...which leads to all sorts of drama...which only adds to our level of stress...thus leaving PMDD women more prone to substance abuse disorders, whether from the differences in our brain chemistry or the issues and situations that arise as a result of our choices and actions...which are also in part dictated by our abnormal brain chemistry.  

Did you get all that? 

The bottom line is it's a vicious cycle, and no matter which way you look at it, PMDD women lose.

Adolescent Abuse

Briefly, studies have shown that women who have been abused in adolescence are more likely to develop PMDD.

Childhood Abuse

A scientific link has been found between women who were abused as children, and women who develop PMDD.  Again, this has to do with the faulty neural pathways developed in times of trauma, affecting the "fight or flight" response in the brain.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse has the same effect on the brain as trauma. Women in abusive situations are also more prone to anxiety and depression disorders, which adds to the burden on the brain.

Sexual Abuse

Studies have shown sexual abuse to be a precursor to both Major Depressive Disorder and PMDD, no doubt through the connection to trauma.  A link has been established between sexual abuse, PTSD, elevated thyroid ratios and PMDD.

Next up:  Ideas for reducing the amount of stress in your life.