Five Secrets for Surviving PMDD

Sometimes when we’re on the edge, a little dose of truth is all we need to keep from toppling over. Here are 5 secrets that can make surviving PMDD a lot easier.

1. Resistance creates suffering. Yes, PMDD causes unbelievable discomfort and mental agony. But were you aware that when you resist that discomfort and agony, you are actually creating MORE of the same? The human race is quite masterful at wanting things to be different. We’ve gotten quite adept at overanalyzing, strategizing, manipulating, denying, oppressing, and yes, even brooding over what is. But what is, still is. With or without all the energy we expend pushing things away, blaming ourselves or others, and replaying events of the past or imagining disasters in our future, reality is still reality. The trick, and I tell you true, is to use that very same energy you’ve been wasting on what you cannot change and divert it into new channels that actually make you feel better. It’s so flippin’ simple and obvious, and yet doing it takes tremendous energy and refocus.  

2. Build your energy. Okay, so now you know. You’ve got to spend the energy you have differently and also increase your energy enough to be able to break out of old habits. So, you have to identify all the ways you waste or leak energy. It could be through crappy relationships, through poor diet, not getting enough sleep, and the less obvious ways of stuffing emotions, harboring negative thoughts, or denying yourself as a matter of habit everything you truly want in life (by, for example, not even asking for it!). And here’s another tip: the more comfortable you can become with your discomfort, the more energy you will reserve and build. When you want to flee or fight, but there’s no imminent threat, stop. Feel. Breathe, woman! I promise it will pass. 

3. You don’t need to fix yourself. I know. It’s hard to believe. But it is true. You don’t NEED to be any different than you are…no matter what you or anyone else has been telling you. I know PMDD sucks. I know it can turn you from sweet and loving to bitter and hateful in under 3 seconds. But the thing is, neither of those personalities is you. You are a deep and beautiful mystery created by Life, infused by life, and guided by life. Flawless! Next time you get the message that you suck, duck! Let that bullshit ride the airwaves right over your head and out the window. There’s nothing you can do to change what is until Life decides it’s time. And then all you have to do is not resist! So until then, dream a better life but without the underlying judgment that says, “I am not doing enough.” 

4. Let yourself off the hook. The nature of PMDD ensures you’re going to have bad days. Why beat yourself up about them? Why bash yourself with judgments and shame or guilt over what you thought or felt or did? Make reparations if you can, of course. But it is actually a complete waste of energy to chastise yourself for losing your temper or getting depressed again. It is useless to tell yourself to get a grip or get over it. And you certainly wouldn’t appreciate hearing that from someone else, so why do it to yourself? Accept that in every moment, you unquestionably do the best you can. If you could do any better, you would. Allow yourself your mistakes, forgetfulness, reactions… Whatever thoughts or feelings or emotions you experience, they really aren’t personal. They pass and evaporate, eventually. They aren’t YOU. 

5. Stop believing your complaints. PMDD causes sufficient misery to provoke numerous complaints. You’ve earned the right to complain. So if you need to vent, vent! It’s healthy! But that doesn’t mean you have to believe your complaints or use other people like sponges to absorb all of your problems. Whatever you need to express, do it with people who aren’t going to buy into and reinforce the story. But take care you don’t reach out to people who are going to devalue your experience either. What you feel is real. What you believe about it…not so much. It is a delicate balance, and it starts with you. Recognize that sensations arise in consciousness. You will never be able to control them, so don’t waste that precious energy trying so hard. Instead, learn to doubt them. Learn to see them for what they are. You’re not broken, doomed, hopeless, or useless and life hasn’t handed you an impenetrable bum deal. The truth is, life is so much easier than we make it…if we’re willing to let it be.

Liana's note:  The above guest post was written by the blogger Cheekyminx. With her permission, several of her posts about PMDD are being featured on this blog. To find out more about her work as a PMDD Advocate, please visit her Facebook page, PMDD Life Support.

PMDD - When Women Who Don't Have it Do Harm to Those Who Do

April is PMDD Awareness Month.  Last week, I presented a Quote of the Week from a psychiatrist in South Africa who does indeed understand what PMDD is about and the need to treat it.  This week we present the flip side of the coin--the side most of us are unfortunately all too familiar with--in the form of a guest post by fellow blogger Twilah, written in response to a TED Talk in which a woman psychologist proceeds to negate the validity of PMDD by, among other things, dismissing PMDD and its sister disorder PMS as a cultural myth.

Twilah: This TED talk came to my attention because it was posted on a PMDD forum online. Other women complained that the talk seemed invalidating and dismissive of the illness they live with. I tend to agree with the feedback of the women affected by PMDD. This is my analysis.

The speaker, Robyn Stein DeLuca, opens by gauging the audience’s familiarity with the concept of PMS. She establishes that PMS is a familiar concept with easily recognizable symptoms. She goes on to point out that mainstream American media accepts and propagates ideas and assumptions about PMS.

DeLuca then drops her bombshell that after five decades of research the jury is still out on PMS. It’s poorly defined, treatment protocols vary… it may not even be real! She explains how historically the symptoms of the disorder described by psychologists varied so greatly that the very definition of PMS became meaningless! 

She goes on to outline the shabby research techniques and protocols that characterized the presumably five decades of research she referred to earlier. She claims that the DSM “…in 1994…redefined PMS as PMDD, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.”

Actually the DSM didn’t distinctly include PMDD until DSM 5, which was released in 2013. Prior to that, the DSM 4 included PMDD not as a distinct mental illness, but as a “depressive disorder not otherwise specified.” The speaker heralds the clarity established by the diagnostic guidelines offered in DSM 5. She then points out that under the new criteria in DSM 5 the number of women affected by PMDD turns out to be only 3-8%, which she considers “not even a lot of women.”

So DeLuca opens with a claim that five decades of research hasn’t supported the premise that PMS exists. Then she points out how poorly conducted much of that research was. 

Okay…you are using five decades of research that by your own reports doesn’t count for anything to support your premise that PMS is a dangerous and erroneous cultural creation? It’s generally a bad idea to use volumes of poorly conducted research as support for anything. And a mere 3-8% of presumably the world’s female population is affected? If women are slightly less than 50% of the estimated 7 billion humans on this planet, and about 2 billion of these women are menstruating, then 3% of menstruating women translates to roughly 60 million women with PMS/PMDD…whichever she is calling it right now…because she wants to undermine a PMDD diagnosis by conflating it with a cultural concept of PMS!  (Liana speaks up:  I want to say here that PMS and PMDD should never, ever be used interchangeably, as they are two separate conditions, and while PMDD affects 3-8% of menstruating women, PMS is said to affect approximately 80% of menstruating women. That means this woman, aside and apart from the huge disservice she is doing to women who do have PMDD, is also dismissing the monthly experiences of possibly another 1.6 billion women and calling it "good news".) 

Head spins…

She goes on to posit that, “the PMS myth” persists because of cultural limitations on the role of women.

Now I won’t argue for a minute that many cultures, especially the American one to which she is primarily referring, frequently limit the roles of women. Popular conceptions of PMS have been used by sexist people to minimize women’s speech and self-advocacy. That is undeniable. But the irrational interpretations of a sexist culture have zero bearing on whether a medical condition is real. Many well established medical conditions are stigmatized and used to oppress individuals affected by the conditions. Think of any disease that might cause a person to wear a colostomy bag, think leprosy, think any one of legions of mental illnesses. Simply because a culture uses a diagnosis to oppress a person with the diagnosis does not mean there is no validity to the diagnosis. The cultural interpretation of the illness needs to be addressed, the disease doesn’t need to be denied. 

DeLuca’s assertion that PMS is a largely Western concept is irrelevant also (Liana: as well as totally untrue). Lots of women’s health issues are more marginalized in non-Western societies. That has no bearing on their realness or validity. If society at large and physicians in particular choose not to discuss the high infant mortality rate in any country that doesn’t hold women in high regard, that doesn’t mean high infant mortality doesn’t exist in that country. That means it isn’t talked about or researched in that country.

To say that diagnosis and treatment of PMS or PMDD is anti-feminist is more hurtful to 60 million women than much run of the mill sexism. To have other women, who we would hope are our allies, take a stand to deny us diagnosis and treatment for a life threatening condition is morally reprehensible. 

Because that’s what PMDD is. It is a life threatening condition. The 3-8% of women who are affected by this disease experience job loss, relationship difficulties, relationship loss, depression, and potentially suicide. And this woman thinks it is helpful to stand up in a forum like a TED talk and tell people that it’s really no big deal that over 60 million human beings deal with this disease every month? To suggest it is a cultural problem and not a medical problem? She criticizes what she calls “the medicalization of women’s reproductive health.” I criticize the politicization of a medical disorder. I criticize speech that discourages further well conducted research into a life threatening illness.  (Liana:  Up to 30% of women with PMDD regularly experience suicidal ideation or attempt suicide.  15%  those succeed.) 

The root of the problem is not a cultural misperception about PMS. The root of the problem is that an endocrinological disorder is being treated as a mental illness. The problem is that the hormonal health of women is being handed to psychologists and psychiatrists for treatment. Imagine going to a psychiatrist for your diabetes or your hypothyroidism. What do you think the outcome would be? What do you think the data would show? Imagine a man being told to go to therapy instead of being given testosterone supplementation for age related testosterone production changes.  (Liana:  I half agree, but also disagree.  If psychiatrists and psychologists are the only medical professionals attempting to take PMDD on, then I would gladly go to them over accepting no medical help at all.  But I do believe PMDD is more an endocrinological disorder than a mental one.)

DeLuca says that, “…the success of medication in treating PMS symptoms vary from woman to woman.” She uses that as evidence to support the invalidity of a PMS diagnosis. Of course the success rate of using psychiatric drugs to treat a hormonal disorder would have varying rates of success! Considering the efficacy of antidepressants to treat depression is disputed, with estimates ranging all over the place, it’s not surprise the efficacy is unpredictable when you prescribe a psychiatric drug for an endocrine condition. I’m sure you’d find the same kind of inconsistency if you prescribed Prozac for erectile dysfunction. A man just might get an erection because increased serotonin made him happier overall. (Liana:  If the medication doesn't work, that does not mean the condition is not real.  It means the medical options provided are not addressing the medical issue.)

But wait, we’re talking about women.

This presentation is so off base. The problem isn’t that a make believe, culturally based illness is being given credence. The problem is that a hormonally based illness is being investigated by mental health professionals, simply because one aspect of its presentation is similar to recognized mental illnesses. The problem that American society uses the term PMS to dismiss or demean women’s emotional states is a completely separate issue from research and treatment of a disease that may affect more than 60 million women. The problem is that an educated women would stand up in front of an audience of thousands and undermine the health concerns of millions of fellow women.

Let’s not back away from helping women because existing research is incomplete or inconclusive. Let’s fund more and better studies. Let’s take seriously the complaints of millions of women that their health is being affected by their hormones. Let’s listen to women’s voices instead of dismissing them. 

Twilah's blog can be found here.  

PMDD and Relationships - Buy with this link and the Gia Allemand Foundation gets a Donation

On sale now for Kindle at Amazon.  Click on the hyperlink below the cover in this post to take you to the link. Ebook versions are available at Smashwords as well.  Also available in print at Amazon.  A donation goes to the Gia Allemand Foundation for every Amazon sale when you sign in to Amazon Smile, and choose the Gia Allemand Foundation as your charity.  Doing so doesn't cost you a penny extra.  In return, you receive more than 220 pages of understanding what it's like to be in a relationship when you have PMDD, and how to make your relationships better.

Use this link for the Gia Allemand Foundation to get a donation

PMDD doesn't do normal, but every woman who lives the monthly nightmare that is Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder deserves to have strong, true, and lasting relationships, just like her non-PMDD enduring friends.  Based on the most-read posts in the blog Living on a Prayer, Living with PMDD, this book is for people in difficult relationships and focuses on how to deal with a loved one's PMDD.

Written with chapters for both the woman trying to cope with her PMDD, and her partner, PMDD and Relationships fills a need for understanding and hope.  Understanding of this often debilitating disorder that affects 3 - 8% of menstruating women, and hope for a normal life with friends and family.

Topics include how to develop a network of support and encouragement, and how to enjoy deep and abiding relationships in the midst of hormonal chaos.  You are not alone, and there is no reason for you to stay alone unless you choose to.  Even then, PMDD and Relationships can help you to deal with your PMDD and the world around you in a way that brings renewed joy into the life you were meant to live.

Welcome to the NAPMDD Conference, Where The Real You Is Welcome

Two weeks ago today in Colorado, the first ever National Organization for PMDD (NAPMDD) Conference and Expo ended amid hugs, kisses, smiles, laughter, and tears...many, many tears.  Tears of hope, tears of joy, tears of relief, renewal, exhaustion, and—for the first time in what I would venture to say almost every attendees' life—tears of pure recognition and acceptance. 

For Acceptance—in addition to Hope—was the overall theme, message, and atmosphere of our time together in Denver.

While leading up to the conference many jokes were made in the PMDD community about what could happen in a room full of angry women with PMDD, the opposite was our reality.  There was no need to be angry because we had all "been there."  
Empathy was the reigning emotion of the weekend, because we understood each other—all too well.  Not just our emotions, but the process and pitfalls, jargon and results of the disorder.  I'm in Day 5.  Day 15 here.  I've been on six different drugs in ten years.  I'm on progesterone therapy.  I'm getting a divorce.  I'm thinking of getting a hysterectomy.  I hate my family.  I'm taking (name your medication).  I've been diagnosed as bipolar.  I think about suicide every month.  My doctor told me to "Just go shopping."

And where else could you go and tell a group of strangers about the color and condition of your cervix?  Better yet, splash pictures of it onscreen, then ask if anybody has questions?

I loved the openness of the conference.  Information was shared with total professionalism and respect, but also with a dash of humor when warranted.  The program provided by the speakers was invaluable.  The sessions sparked conversations about subjects such as nutrition, detoxification, inflammation, self-care, self-love, wellness, and healing.  Learning to live your cycle rather than fight it; learning to work with it rather than against it.       

So many options; so many choices.  But all with the same goal of wellness.  For that alone the conference was huge success.  (I'm just writing about it now, because I took a two week vacation to travel out West afterward.)  Kudos all around go out to Amanda and Melanie and Elizabeth and their well-organized team of volunteers. 

But what struck me most about the event—in addition to the great food, hotel, conversation, and stellar line up of speakers—was how much love and acceptance everyone shared. 

Yes, people cried throughout the weekend, in the audience, in corners, in hallways, on couches, and at the podium—but that was okay.  For the first time in history, women with PMDD (and their partners) were allowed the safe space to "be ourselves" in public.  Nobody had to go back to their room and suffer alone.  Nobody had to hide in the bathroom to cry.  Nobody had to excuse themselves because they made other people uncomfortable with their messy emotions.  Our tears and fears were welcome.  Our conversations were real.  Our hopes, dreams, sadness, and anxieties were out there for everyone to see.

And it was wonderful.  Freeing.  Empowering.

I'm sure the energy of welcoming acceptance that flowed throughout the conference will help to sustain attendees for many months to come.

And that is what NAPMDD is all about.

Support.  Encouragement. Acceptance. 

Hope.

In sum, all I can say is while the educational information received at the conference was by far the bargain of the year, the warmth, friendship, and empathy I experienced at the NAPMDD conference was...

Priceless.

*For those who were unable to attend the conference, please check the NAPMDD site for links to free videos of the speaker sessions. 

PMDD and Relationships

On sale now for Kindle at Amazon.  Click on the cover to take you to the link. Also available in print at Amazon. Over 220 pages of understanding what it's like to be in a relationship when you have PMDD.

PMDD doesn't do normal, but every woman who lives the monthly nightmare that is Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder deserves to have strong, true, and lasting relationships, just like her non-PMDD enduring friends.  Based on the most-read posts in the blog Living on a Prayer, Living with PMDD, this book is for people in difficult relationships and focuses on how to deal with a loved one's PMDD.

Written with chapters for both the woman trying to cope with her PMDD, and her partner, PMDD and Relationships fills a need for understanding and hope.  Understanding of this often debilitating disorder that affects 3 - 8% of menstruating women, and hope for a normal life with friends and family.

Topics include how to develop a network of support and encouragement, and how to enjoy deep and abiding relationships in the midst of hormonal chaos.  You are not alone, and there is no reason for you to stay alone unless you choose to.  Even then, PMDD and Relationships can help you to deal with your PMDD and the world around you in a way that brings renewed joy into the life you were meant to live.

Living with PMDD: Why Every Woman Should Be Practicing Hormonal Self-Awareness

Recently I stumbled across this gem of an article in Elephant Journal on hormonal self-awareness, written by Vironika Tugaleva, life coach, inspirational speaker, and award winning author of The Love Mindset.
One line that caught my eye was:  What a hormone surge does is it gets rid of a woman's ability to numb herself to the quality of her environment. 
With their permission, I have reposted the beginning of the article.  If the opening intrigues you, please click on the link to finish reading the article. Well worth your time.

Why Every Woman Should Be Practicing Hormonal Self-Awareness

by Vironika Tugaleva

I had a client once whose boss insisted on using positive-only language in the workplace. So, when giving feedback about mistakes and areas for improvement, he’d say, “You have a great opportunity to practice your communication and organization skills here” instead of “You’re awkward and messy.”

I thought that was just brilliant.

So, for me, around the same time every month, the opportunity comes to do some very deep self-awareness work.

The more I’ve become aware of the effects of hormones on my mind and body, the more amazed I’ve been that there was a point when I was not at all aware of these effects. There was a time when I would spend a week alternating between bitchy and depressed, thinking that the reason was whatever my mind told me was the reason.

Whether or not you’re a woman, stick out for this one, because if you are, then this is absolutely something you must know about yourself, and if you’re not, this will give you incredible insight into the behaviour of women in your life.  Read more here: