I
have to start with thanking everyone for reading my last post. It was great to
know that my post hit a chord with so many.
Liana
asked me an interesting question – does my partner know she suffers from PMDD?
The
simple answer is yes, but I think she subconsciously would prefer to forget
that PMDD-driven events happen. One of my greatest struggles has been the lack
of empathy received during and after PMDD episodes – just part of the PMDD
zone, I guess.
How
black have I been?
I
wrote the following during one of our PMDD episodes:
Do
I care anymore?
I
don’t like being hurt, but it is also pointless being in a relationship where I
don’t get what I need. This can only lead to frustration. I am being made to
feel worthless every month. As I’ve been warned, that comes with a substantial
mental health cost. There is only so much you can put up with, and I think I am
there now.
So,
plan from here? I’m an exhausted man. I’ll just avoid her, and give myself
space to think about if I can handle things any more. There is no point trying
to directly reconcile, as she will just want to fight.
One
of the pieces of feedback I received from my prior post was asking what we had
done to try and treat the PMDD. I couldn’t fit everything into my prior post,
so I thought I’d cover it here.
My
partner has found it challenging to seek clinical help – to do so requires her
to speak to outsiders regarding the details of her moods etc., that she knows
are challenging (you are making me shove pills down my throat/they are making
me fat/you are making me tell strangers about how crazy I am).
I completely understand...and yet, I definitely end up with a sense of hopelessness - if she had diabetes, there would be no doubt she'd be accepting of medical help.
However, with my support and encouragement, we have certainly explored this space.
I completely understand...and yet, I definitely end up with a sense of hopelessness - if she had diabetes, there would be no doubt she'd be accepting of medical help.
However, with my support and encouragement, we have certainly explored this space.
We
first went down the SSRI route. I’ve no doubt this helped, but the side effects
became frustrating for both of us.
We sought specialist assistance
after that and some hormone type medications were prescribed, one of which was
Cyproterone, but it was really a disaster. We only lasted a couple of months –
the side effects were horrific. The most accurate description would be that she
was in the PMDD zone for two solid months. It is almost impossible to describe
how awful you end up feeling as a partner when she is constantly angry and you
can't do anything right. You end up suffering from sleep deprivation from
wondering just what has gone so horribly wrong in your relationship. What makes
it even worse is she has no ability to understand the impact her behavior is
having on you - there is absolutely no empathy.
I ended up as a burnt out mess.
Where
are we today? We are retrying vitamin type supplements, as well as making diet
changes. Caffeine seems to be a bit of a problem – one of the many tips we’ve
picked up from the Rushing Woman’s Syndrome eBook, which
describes the “biochemical and emotional effects of constantly being in a rush,
and the health consequences that urgency elicits.ˮ
So
things are quite calm at the moment – and my own blackness has gone. Until the
next time.
Posts
You are an exemplary partner. I commend you.
ReplyDeleteI would just like to say that I am guilty of this lack of empathy while in the PMDD Zone. It is hard to describe, but I can stare a hole right through you and Just. Not. Care. About you, about me, about anyone or anything. I feel dead inside, and the only reaction you are going to get out of me, if you get one at all, is rage or tears. Perhaps others will comment if they experience this symptom, and can help to explain what it feels like to them. For me, it is driven by a deep sense of hopelessness and apathy. The feeling that nothing matters, so why even try? Of course, none of this is true, but this is what my PMDD brain is telling me, and I've said it before, it's very hard to argue with your own brain. In fact, it's exhausting. It doesn't leave much room for dealing with anyone else, no matter how much you care for them when you are not in the PMDD zone.
ReplyDeleteI met a wonderful girl and the first 2 weeks were amazing. Then the PMDD kicked in, which is when she told me about it, and the next week was just like this - "It is almost impossible to describe how awful you end up feeling as a partner when she is constantly angry and you can't do anything right. You end up suffering from sleep deprivation from wondering just what has gone so horribly wrong in your relationship. What makes it even worse is she has no ability to understand the impact her behavior is having on you - there is absolutely no empathy." She ended up breaking it off with me and still spent the next few days pointing out all the mistakes I made. It seemed to be all my fault. After a barrage of texts consisting of f-bombs I had had enough and shortly after asked her to not contact me again. I wish she would stop drinking a pot of coffee everyday and start taking meds...but I think she's in self denial and doesn't realize how bad her PMDD has gotten. It seems only I received the brunt of her anger. I don't know. I still pray for her and remember the amazing girl from the first 2 weeks.
ReplyDelete