I can sense she is coming, as my world starts to blur, she climbs into my body and claims it as hers.
Nobody sees her, she causes such pain. She is nothing like me yet goes by my name.
It's like a possession no priest could exile, she's taken me over, she's stolen my smile.
My body is hurting, I'm wrecked and alone. For two weeks a month, my body's her home.
Her rage has no limit, she's hurtful and cruel, she says things I wouldn't, and I look like a fool.
She drags me by force to the depths of despair, until I don't know myself, I am no longer there.
She damages my friendships and destructs my work, has me laid up in bed, exhausted and hurt.
And when I'm broken and lost and she's had her fun, she climbs right back out, I've survived another month.
And I take back my body, my mind and my heart, I repair all the damage, I make a new start.
I'm back and I'm happy, I'm thankful and free, though I know in good time she'll return for me.
Maybe one day I'll be free from her hell, she will no longer own me, and I will be well.
Until that day, I will swim the rough seas.
I won't let her drown me, for she isn't ME.
by Nicola James, 2016
Posts
Yes. This is great.
ReplyDeleteTears run down my face as I finally feal as though I don't suffer alone.
ReplyDeleteThis is so moving and describes pmdd so well. One year post oophrectomy-best decision I ever made.
ReplyDeleteI had this for years before discovering what it was. It took a few trial and error to find the right medication and dosage, but I have been significantly better for the last year and a half. Sometimes I do t experience any symptoms of pmdd at all. Most of the the time I will have very mild symptoms for 2-4 days but I am able to control myself and it helps to know that the negative feelings will pass.
ReplyDeleteIve only experienced it from the outside as my gf has it. And i was in tears by the end. incredible writing.
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