Switch in my brain has flipped, can't hold back as the monster inside bursts free. Losing all control, wreaking devastation wherever I go, it's then that I know, that as sure as gravity on earth I am back in its throes.
Depressive Tsunami overtakes me, washing clean away all of my self worth. Tormented woman desperate to stop it... Defeated despite the hard fight put forth. It's like a psychotic carnival ride, can't stop going around and around in my broken mind.
Anxiety and fear no one can understand brings salted tears ʼtil I am virtually blind. How can this damn life be so unkind??
Misery is embodied in me, taking away my hope for good life, hatred for the man who loves me most taking away my hope to be a good wife.
Migraines. Body aches. Sensitivity. Short fuses. Darkness. Hysteria. Forever on edge, pushing me to LOSE it.
I mean really how many times can my kids hear mommy's having a bad day, before they too feel abandoned and pushed away?
We stand on opposite sides of the same door secretly pleading: I've done nothing wrong why do I still have to pay?
Heartbreaking.
I hide out in my restroom cuz it's the only place I can truly be alone, keeping everyone safe from me, staring into a mirror and seeing nothing but the monster I am living with: PMDD.
~Carrian Troxler
Posts
exactly
ReplyDeleteCarrian Troxler
ReplyDeleteI could not have said it better and I usually can say it pretty good. Thought to post this to let you know that you have done nothing wrong and as much as it does feel like punishment, it is not, I KNOW EXACTLY! what you're going throuhg, sans the husband that could love me, you already have more than most, and even though I know that helps zero, when these symptoms from hell visit, it is good to hear it some times. This is a phase, long as hell but a phase none the less and you have to reach inside further than you ever thought you were going to have to in your life and keep going, because THIS TOO SHALL PASS and in the end, your true self will be there waiting to embrace you with open arms. At least that is what I tell myself, when I feel like giving up and letting this BITCH win...in the I will be the one standing, no matter how many times it has knocked me down in the past ten years. Big hug and for whatever is worth, I get you
love
T
Made me cry, because that how my life is too. And what's worse I'm single & live with my parents the ppl who've known me my whole life. When pmdd takes is it's scary.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, this is no picnic, but those who have made it through say is worth the ride...we'll see....try to keep yourself busy and as much out of your head as possible and know that you are not your feelings...that's what I repeat myself constantly , cause somebody told me to do so
Deletekeep on keeping on, don't let this bitch win out
big hug
T
At least you are trying... The one I love just gives in and dumps on me.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. I'm 29 and I need help. What have others done to ease this?
ReplyDeleteThis is how I felt every single month for years. I thought there was no hope and that I would never get better. But I did.
ReplyDeleteI started taking anti depressants a week before my periods and a few days once I got them. They helped a lot.
First few months were not easy, when I stopped taking the anti depressants after periods, I got worse.
But it only got better from then.. Now I don't have to take them till a few days before periods, and I usually stop on the 1st day. I take them as I need, and I've stopped needing them as much.
It has made my life SO MUCH BETTER. I don't dread my periods anymore, it's all under control. I honestly don't mind reaching out for tablets a few days a month. I could go without them, but I don't see why I need to suffer.
So talk to your doctor and try meds if you suffer every month. You don't have to. I don't anymore. :)