Shine a Light on PMDD - April is PMDD Awareness Month

BOSTON, MA, March 29, 2019 -- A global awareness campaign will kick off this April to help “Shine a Light on PMDD” on a little known, debilitating and life-threatening condition that takes an average of 12 years to be correctly diagnosed. 

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a cyclical, hormone-based mood disorder which impacts approximately 1 in 20 women and individuals assigned female at birth (AFAB) of reproductive age - a staggering 60 million worldwide. With symptoms including severe depression, overwhelm, and anxiety appearing in the two weeks before menses, PMDD takes a toll on sufferers’ ability to work and maintain relationships with partners and family. In the 2018 Global Survey of Premenstrual Disorders, out of 1,425 patients with prospectively-confirmed PMDD: 

● 16.8% reported having lost a job due to PMDD 

● 56.7% reported having lost an intimate partner relationship due to PMDD 

● 98% and 97% feel PMDD puts a significant strain on their intimate partner relationship and family relationships, respectively 

● 42.7% reported problems with parenting due to PMDD, with 10.5% feeling completely unable to parent during PMDD 

The relentless emotional and (for some) physical pain also drastically increases the risk of suicidal behaviors. In the same survey, 30% of patients with PMDD reported that they had attempted suicide to escape their symptoms. Sadly, this number does not include those with PMDD who have died by suicide, which suggests that 30% is a low estimate for the rate of suicidal behaviors in PMDD. Appropriate identification and treatment of PMDD are therefore important not only for reducing suffering but also for saving lives. 

The same survey also showed it takes an average of twelve years and six healthcare providers to receive an accurate diagnosis of PMDD. After years of suffering, individuals with PMDD describe learning about the disorder as a ‘lightbulb moment’. 

“PMDD has been invisible for far too long,” according to Amanda LaFleur, Co-Founder & Executive Director, International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD), the global leader of PMDD awareness and education. “It’s underdiagnosed, misdiagnosed and, at worst, the lack of understanding leads to harmful ridicule and shaming of suffers. During PMDD Awareness Month we need to create millions of life-changing lightbulb moments across the globe so people can get the support and treatment they need!” 

This year, IAPMD is again collaborating with a coalition of organizations, including U.S.-based Me v PMDD and U.K.-based Vicious Cycle: Making PMDD Visible, to ‘Shine a Light on PMDD.’ Resources to support awareness-building are available on pmddawarenessmonth.org. Website visitors can access the PMDD Awareness Month Toolkit, find facts and figures about PMDD, create a fundraiser, and share their story.

Individuals with PMDD are encouraged to add their voice to the women's reproductive and mental health movement and receive timely updates on work underway to inspire hope and end suffering in those with premenstrual disorders. 

“This is a galvanizing movement in women’s health,” according to Sandi MacDonald, IAPMD Board President. “PMDD is a perfect storm where #MeToo and #TimesUp, meets mental health awareness, meets suicide prevention. This campaign will be that ‘eureka!’ or ‘light bulb’ moment of insight, and then sufferers and activists around the world are empowered to raise awareness of PMDD and increase access to effective treatment options.” 

While PMDD is directly connected to the menstrual cycle, it is not a hormone imbalance but rather a severe neurobiological reaction to the natural rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone. Symptoms occur the week or two before menstruation and go away a few days after bleeding begins. There is no blood or saliva test to diagnose PMDD, but these tests can rule out other underlying disorders. Diagnosis is done by tracking symptoms for at least two menstrual cycles. As noted above, women and AFAB individuals with PMDD are at an increased risk for suicidal behavior. Although PMDD has been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and International Classification of Diseases (ICD) for years, it continues to be disregarded or misunderstood by doctors and the general public.

# # # 

Organizational Contacts: 

Amanda LaFleur

Co-Founder & Executive Director, IAPMD 

amanda@iapmd.org 

www.iapmd.org 

1-800-609-PMDD (7633) 

Laura Murphy

Project Co-Founder/Director, Vicious Cycle

hello@viciouscyclepmdd.com 

www.facebook.com/viciouscyclepmdd 

Twitter: @viciouscyclepmd 

+44 7739 342590 

Sheila H. Buchert Co-Founder & COO, Me v PMDD, Inc. 

sheila.mevpmdd@gmail.com 

www.mevpmdd.com 

727-421-1489   

PMDD and Your Brain

A while ago, I read the book Women’s Moods: What Every Woman Must Know about Hormones, the Brain, and Emotional Health. It was a great book about overall hormonal health and described how hormonal issues are physiological occurrences in the brain that manifest as emotional behavior, because the hormones involved affect the areas of the brain that regulate our emotions.

On the one hand, I wished I’d read this book years earlier than I did, as it was first published in 1999. On the other, I’m glad I didn’t. While the authors completely explain the devastating effects women's hormones can have on your emotional life, they are firmly in the camp of using medication to treat these brain disorders that affect women throughout our reproductive years.

That’s fine if you want to go that route, but there are other options available now to women who suffer from hormonal issues. In 1999, these options were given a cursory mention and dismissed. Which means if I’d read the book any earlier than I did, I would have come to the conclusion that there was no alternative to my PMDD, short of medication.

That, for me, would have been very depressing indeed.

I know there are millions of women out there who have severe hormonal issues that may well require medication to control them—notice I say control them—not manage them. Me, I manage my symptoms through nutrition and exercise and positive lifestyle choices. If I took medication I wouldn’t need to be so vigilant about my health—the medication would theoretically handle the problem for me. But in my case, with the PMDD, I can’t see taking medication every day for something that only occurs a few days a month.

Still, there are days when the thought of it tempts me. But most days it does not.

As I said, to have read this book any earlier would have been devastating for me. Because the authors insist over and over that without treatment, your hormonal issues will only get worse. That there is no light at the end of the tunnel without treatment—this is absolutely true--but their treatment of choice is not mine.

That aside, I was able to read the book and learn much about the causes of hormonal issues and how and why these issues can and do get worse later in life without some type of intervention.

Hormonal issues are a very serious and practically rampant problem for women. Yet some days it seems like the only people paying any attention to us are those who can profit from our condition(s). Most of the information women receive regarding "hormonal imbalances" (a term I take exception to) comes from companies whose drugs have been approved for treatment of these "imbalances."

We need more than to be told a certain medication (or two, or three) can solve  our problems. We need to understand the underlying causes of our hormonal issues and find ways to heal ourselves from within and prevent the need for chemical solutions. We need to understand the unique female brain/body connection and how it makes us vulnerable to mood problems at the most challenging times in our lives. Puberty, pregnancy, post-partum, peri-menopause, menopause, and post menopause.

Every time you have a child, your hormones undergo an enormous amount of stress, and yet society acts as if there’s nothing to it. Life goes on and you cope.

But what happens when your ability to cope fails you? What happens when, as these authors aptly describe it, you have an internal “earthquake” and mood disorders erupt?

All this attention is given to heart health, but brain health is equally important. We need to learn to care for our brain as diligently as we do our heart. Not only the heart can be compromised by a woman’s genetic make up, life experiences, and stress load, but so can the brain.

If our brain doesn’t work right, we don’t work right, and all sorts of life-chaos can happen. No amount of "being strong" or "powering through" is going to re-regulate a brain that has gone askew. It just isn’t going to happen.

The way this book and many others describe it, our brains have neurological pathways that become worn over time like ruts in a road. When any situation arises, our brains immediately locate the memory of how we dealt with that situation in the past, so that we can effectively do so again. And each time we deal with that situation again, a new pathway is created over the old pathway.

This works fine if your brain is healthy, or operating at optimum level. But what if your brain is not? Then your brain is creating new pathways over damaged roads, and only more damage ensues.

Genetics plays a factor in this, of course, but so do your thought processes. In short, how we deal with stress affects our hormones, which in turn affects our brain. This stress can come from any and all sources, trauma from an accident or abuse, be it physical, emotional, sexual, mental, spiritual, financial, you name it, or from naturally occurring life events such as birth, death, marriage, divorce, loss of a job or health or relationship, to name just a few.

When your hormones are doing what they should, your body deals with these stresses in a normal and healthy way. When your hormones are compromised, your body and brain do not. Little stresses can be magnified into big stresses, completely out of proportion to the situation. When your hormones are compromised and your brain is dysregulated, you can feel like you are under attack 24/7. Your brain makes no distinction between the threat of an oncoming car or someone who simply disagrees with your point of view. Both, to your dysregulated brain, are threats to your very existence.

It’s not logical, in fact it is completely irrational, but that’s what it is. Your dysregulated brain is not properly processing the threat.

This is why women with mood disorders like PMDD or even simple hormonal fluctuations seem so irrational at times.

But we’re not crazy, or imbalanced--far from it. Rather, something has compromised our hormonal system, something that has yet to be scientifically identified and verified, something we have no more control over than we do an allergic reaction.

This is not to say there is nothing we can do to prevent our hormonal eruptions.  We all know that once one begins, it is unstoppable, because the PMDD brain is out to win at all costs.  But there are ways to minimize our eruptions, and this blog* is full of tips for that.  If you're looking for the information all in one place, try my book, PMDD and Relationships, or, for the supportive partner, PMDD: A Handbook for Partners.   Both are based on the posts in this blog.

*Use the search box at the top of the page to locate topics you are interested in reading more about.  Type in the subject, and if I have written anything about it, a list of posts will appear.  This will save you a lot of time spent scrolling past stuff you're not interested in.

The Voices of PMDD - Don't Wait Until It's Too Late

Day 100. 100 days since I have had my menstrual period. I’m 54 years old and finally heading into menopause. After a lifetime suffering from PMDD you would think this gives me joy, but all I taste are the ashes of my family, my ambitions, and myself. For decades PMDD has taken a monthly flamethrower to them all, and now I can only sift through the embers and mourn.

This disease has done terrible damage to everything that I wanted to be, and the person that I thought I was. Even though my husband understood the illness, my monthly insanity finally broke him and he was in the final stages of leaving me a year ago when leukaemia struck. Now we live together but separate, as I help him through the long dangerous recovery. We get on well enough but the loving intimacy is gone. He can’t tolerate me touching him, even as a comfort. Too late. Too late.

My grown sons love me but despise my behaviour. I’m sure I have ruined trust in women for the youngest one.

I work hard and am mostly appreciated at the office but it’s clear that my regular loss of emotional control has permanently stalled any career advancement.

I was a bright and positive young woman who truly believed I had a shiny place to make for myself and my family in this world, but this disease has made me betray the little girl that I was, the one who believed she was good and would do good things.

So I urge every one of you to fight, fight harder than I did, look for answers and for care that actually works for you whether it’s SSRIs, birth control, supplements, cannabis, diet, exercise, or therapy. Don’t get complacent. Don’t give up. Don’t assume your family can put up with this forever. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Too late is closer than you think.

~Anonymous

My First Memory of Having PMDD

It’s hard to pinpoint my first true memory of having PMDD. I think I struggled against my PMDD for so long, denying that I had a problem, that it manifested long before I admitted there was something wrong with me. No one else I knew went through these struggles, or if they did, they didn’t talk about it. They managed, they coped…why couldn’t I? What was wrong with me that I was fine one day, and could barely get out of bed the next? I think I blamed it on everything and anything else but me, sources outside myself, school, work, friends, family, whoever I was in a relationship with at the time--because I was young and healthy and mental-type problems only happened to other people.

The first episode I can remember which I would now attribute to PMDD was a two-week period in my freshman year of college, toward the end of the semester and year, when I simply didn’t get out of bed except to go to class. I was doing well in my classes, not having any problems to speak of, and then suddenly this period of total sadness and hopelessness and lethargy hit, and I had no motivation to do anything or go anywhere. Then just as suddenly it lifted, and for the remaining weeks of the semester I raced around like a madwoman, trying to catch up and make sure my grades didn’t suffer.  I was eighteen years old.

Now, looking back, I can see countless repetitions of this scenario, where I’m sailing along, and life is fine, and then suddenly...it isn’t. When all indications are that I should be happy beyond measure--having achieved every goal I’d set for myself to that date--but I wasn’t. I used to think there was just something inside of me that liked to make life a little more challenging. Something that liked to let me fall behind, just so I could prove that I could catch up and still come out ahead. Now I realize it was the PMDD dragging me down. Now I think about how much I could have accomplished, had I known what was happening and learned to manage my PMDD, like I eventually did.

But I don’t dwell on those thoughts, because those opportunities have come and gone, and negative thoughts will bring anybody down, not just a woman with PMDD. There’s no sense in feeding the fire. What’s come and gone has done just that…come and gone. The only moment we can do anything about is the moment we’re in right now. And right now, I know that most, if all negative thoughts I have stem from my PMDD and I’m just not going to give them any more air time. I’m still as stubborn as I was as a teenager, still as determined not to let the sadness and negativity get me down, only this time I know what I’m dealing with. Now I’m able to separate the two, my usual self and my PMDD self, and when my PMDD hits, I’m able to label my self-defeating thoughts as PMDD thoughts and just set them on a mental shelf to be dealt with later.

The beauty of this tactic? When later comes, those thoughts are no longer relevant. Mostly because they weren’t true to start with. On PMDD days now I rest and take it easy. I find something positive and uplifting to read or watch or listen to, and focus on small, sometimes mindless tasks that I know need to be done and have been saving up for just such a day. Organizing receipts or CDs or books on a shelf. Folding the laundry. Nothing heavy, nothing demanding either physically, mentally, or emotionally. For instance, sorting through old photographs probably wouldn’t be a good job for a PMDD day. The emotions they dredge up might not be positive, might make you miss someone or someplace or stir up regrets. Or they might remind you of a happier time, and instead of making you smile, might make you feel like you’ll never be happy again. That’s the PMDD brain talking, not you. And whatever it is saying is certainly not coming from God.

I bring God into this because my faith was and is a big part of my experience with PMDD. Without faith in something bigger than myself, I never would have come to have faith in myself. I can’t tell you how many times I thought there has to be a way to make this madness stop. The first book I picked up was Prayer, Faith and Healing: Cure Your Body, Heal Your Mind, and Restore Your Soul. I’d tried everything else. Maybe it was time to give prayer a chance. And so I started. With baby steps. One by one, one day at a time, learning how to listen to something positive outside myself for a change, until I learned that God was inside of me, too, and I could go within for the answers I needed. They didn’t have to come from outside sources.

The stronger I became on the inside, the more those negative external voices dimmed to background noise. Such as well-meaning friends and family with unsolicited advice, and not-so-well-meaning friends and family with selfish needs and demands.  Not to mention well-crafted advertisements pointing out all the areas in which I was lacking in my life, or organizations with agendas on how I needed to live my life, and countless books, magazines, radio and television programs telling me I could have it all, while at the same time measuring me by artificial standards no one person could ever hope to attain.

It’s hard enough navigating life with all your faculties intact. But when you’re a woman with PMDD, operating on half power or less half the time or more, life gets really challenging. So don’t beat yourself up. The world is more than happy to do that for you. Accept that you’re not perfect and you’re never going to get there, then relax and enjoy your life. When you’re feeling good, take on all you want to, and when you’re not—take time out to take care of you.

If you take nothing else from this post, take this: Don’t spend another day beating yourself up for something you have no control over. Do start listening to your body, and giving it--and yourself--the respect you deserve. If you don’t know how to do that, if you’re scratching your head at the very thought of it,  like I once was, then check out my blog, my Living with PMDD Facebook page, or my book, PMDD and Relationships, for more information on how to better manage your PMDD, as well as support, encouragement, and tips on how to be a better you…all month long.

PMDD Quote of the Week - A Doctor's View

April is PMDD Awareness month.  I can't begin to imagine how much further we would be along the path to health and healing if we only had more doctors like this.  This woman "gets" it.

What is PMDD?

"A reproductive disorder whereby women experience transient physical and emotional changes around the time of their period, PMDD is associated with a level of impairment that is similar to major depressive disorder and poorer quality of life compared with community norms, therefore it should be considered a serious health condition. PMDD can have adverse consequences on a woman's social functioning, relationships, work productivity and healthcare use..."

and

"Treatment generally continues for duration of a woman's reproductive life.  If one considers that a female typically menstruates 300 - 500 times during her lifetime, timely identification and initiation of appropriate treatment may prevent impairment.  This, together with support and TLC from loved ones or spouses, can go a long way in improving the quality of life of PMDD sufferers."

~Dr. Eileen Thomas, a specialist psychiatrist at Akeso Clinic, Milnerton (Cape Town, South Africa)

To read the full article, go here.

As Dr. Thomas so rightfully points out, a female can experience up to 500 menstrual cycles during her lifetime. I also mention this in my books, PMDD and Relationships, and PMDD:  A Handbook for Partners.  Below are a couple of sample excerpts:

Let’s do the math. The average age of female puberty is 12; the average age of menopause is 51. Round that off to 40 years of menstruation. Multiply that by 12; that gives you 480 months of periods if you never have children, less if you do. Let’s go with 450 periods for now. That gives you 900 weeks of pre-menstrual issues. Divide that by 52 weeks per year, and you get 17+ years that a woman can spend in the living hell that is PMDD.

Seventeen years, people!

and 

Seventeen years is a long time to feel and/or be out of control. Seventeen years is also a long time to be on medication, especially medication that studies now show doesn’t work more than half the time.

Listen, nobody knows for sure what causes PMDD. All scientists know is it is a biological event that manifests as emotional symptoms. What does that mean? It means PMDD is caused by something that happens in your body and shows/expresses itself in your moods. The closest science has come to defining what happens is that whatever happens, happens in concert with your menstrual cycle, and involves your hormones. The hormones they have looked at the most are estrogen, progesterone, and now a metabolite of progesterone, called allopregnanolone.

Some schools of thought are convinced it has something to do with the levels of these hormones in your body, and whether they are in the right balance or not. But you can’t detect PMDD with a blood test, and every estrogen/progesterone blood test I have taken has shown my levels to be perfectly normal, even when I was in the middle of a PMDD episode.

I think the best science has come up with so far is that yes, PMDD does have to do with your hormonal fluctuations, but it’s more that something goes awry in your brain when processing these normal and natural hormonal fluctuations in your body.

That’s right. Something goes wrong in your brain.

No news to us, right? We’ve known all along something wasn’t right with our brains, with our thinking processes, during an episode of PMDD. Why else would we say and do the things we say and do during an episode, but not during the rest of the month?

As part of PMDD Awareness month, I invite you to share in the comments section below any adverse consequences YOU have experienced in your social functioning, relationships, work productivity and/or healthcare use due to your PMDD.  Share to help make aware!

A PMDD Valentine: Not All Chocolates Are Equal

For Valentine's Day, a post about chocolate (and a few other things), first written in 2009, but updated and still relevant today.

Having come freshly off a week of spending up close and personal time with my evil twin, who kicked my butt so badly the last day she was here I had to take a three-hour nap in the middle of the day, on top of getting a full night's sleep, today I feel uber-qualified to write about how it feels to experience PMDD. The thing is, now that the episode (aka her latest visit) is over, it's the last thing I want to think about.

I look around and see all that didn't get done over the week, the laundry piling up, the floors that need to be cleaned, the clutter of all I didn't feel up to coping with and simply set aside, and would much rather regain some semblance of control over my life—if only its external appearance—than write about the dark place I inhabited for eight full days and change this time around.

Why such a long visit this time? I think I know. I think it had something to do with my recent road trip: the stress of travel, the staying up later than usual, sleeping in strange environments, the change in diet, the miniscule amount of alcohol consumed, although in comparison to my usual alcohol intake, it was a big jump. Add that to the copious amounts of caffeine I consumed while on the road, the pasta-heavy fare at the conference, and I think I'm getting the picture. At home, I'm usually alcohol and caffeine free-or close to it. An occasional cup of coffee, usually one cup of caffeinated tea in the morning, if I feel the need, and chocolate only when "the cravings" come.  I hadn't had pasta or bread in weeks before the conference.

Why? All of these are bad for women with PMDD. Caffeine, alcohol, sugar, flour, hence the bread and pasta. But why am I so sensitive to their effects? I know women who practically live on caffeine and sugar, others who drink freely, others who love their bread and pasta. Is it possible they feel as miserable as I do, or more so, but deny their misery and continue to self-medicate with food and drink?

Because attempts to self-medicate is what these addictions (for lack of a better word) are. My research is showing there are very few true physical addictions in life. Most compulsions are emotionally or psychologically based. Only in rare cases is an addiction physiological.

That's not to say we can't get cravings. But cravings are cravings, temporary urges for some kind of substance to relieve our mental, emotional, or physical discomfort. Cravings are not addictions, although when you are in the throes of one, it can feel like an addiction. But as someone writing a book on dealing with addiction recently pointed out to me, "You're not going to stick a gun in someone's face for a piece of cake."

Cravings are the body's signals that some physiological need is not being met. You're low on some vital nutrient, to be exact. Your body is saying, for instance, "I'm low on magnesium," and you feel a sudden urge to eat a banana, or some almonds, maybe some oatmeal, or, yes, some chocolate.

Chocolate is one of the best known substances we crave. What confuses the issue with chocolate is not only its physical healing properties (of which there are many), but its emotional associations. We associate chocolate with feeling good. But not all chocolate is equal. Some are better for us than others. Much better. Others are almost useless, physiologically speaking. In the example above, a banana would provide as much magnesium as a 1.5 ounce chocolate candy bar, but a handful of almonds or cashews would provide almost three times as much magnesium as either the banana or candy bar.

So why do we reach for chocolate? It's as much for the emotional fix as the nutrients needed. More confusion arises when we don't know the difference between types of chocolate, due to the marketing and advertising claims of their manufacturers. Manufacturers is the key word here. Quality chocolates from true chocolatiers abound with the beneficial properties of chocolate. True dark chocolate is a rich source of flavanoids and antioxidants, with the cacao bean containing more than twice as many antioxidants the so-called superfoods like blueberries, kale, spinach, or broccoli.

It's the cheap, mass-marketed brands that—while they may contain tiny amounts of chocolate's beneficial properties—have processed most of the antioxidants and flavanoids right out of the chocolate. To derive any benefit from eating these lower quality chocolates, you need to eat way more than is healthy for you. When this happens, the negatives outweigh the positives—and you could end up outweighing all your friends.

If that's not enough, did you know that adding milk to your chocolate, or even drinking milk with your chocolate can negate its good effects?

Meanwhile you're bewildered, thinking, "Chocolate is supposed to be good for me, right? Milk is supposed to be healthy for me. Isn't that what the ads say? By eating chocolate and drinking milk, I'm doing something good for my body, right? So why do I feel so miserable?"

Because all the chocolate in the world isn't going to solve your problems, honey, and while I may crave it like mad at times, neither is it going to make my PMDD go away. For all its mood-enhancing abilities, even the finest Belgian chocolate won't "cure" dysphoria.

Dysphoric is the opposite of euphoric. Euphoric means happy, dysphoric means depressed. As in depression. But only pre-menstrually, which I suppose can be considered a blessing.

In some atypical cases, however, the dysphoria can come AFTER a woman begins her period. Lucky me, I'm atypical. Mine usually starts on Day 3, if it's going to come. It doesn't always come. Which is what drives me batty, trying to keep on top of what I need to do—or to avoid—to keep it from returning.

I lead too full and rich a life to keep being knocked flat by this unwelcome change in my body. It makes me feel like I'm constantly behind—on everything.

As women, we all know "it will never get done," but to have something come along and steal a full week or more out of your month, something that no matter what you do or don't do seems to be totally beyond your control...it's more than frustrating. It's crazymaking.

I'm here to tell you you're not crazy. I'm here to tell you there are scientifically proven physiological reasons for why you crave the things you do—like carbs—and what happens to your body as a result of that. I'm here to tell you there's help, and hope, but it's far from easy, living in a body that seems to have a will of its own at times, and a manufacturing and marketing culture that promotes unhealthy foods as healthy because of their base ingredients, while completely ignoring the toxic effects of their processing processes.

That said, the first step is to forgive yourself for falling short of your own expectations, and to understand that what is happening to you is as involuntary a response as an allergic reaction. You cannot control it. You can try to soften it, to be sure, by living a universally healthy lifestyle (once you understand what that truly is) but you cannot control it.

Nor can you deny it and simply plow through it, as most women do. We have commitments, responsibilities, schedules, and deadlines. We have people counting on us to be there for them.

But first, we have to learn how to be there for ourselves. My book PMDD and Relationships, addresses this topic in detail. I can hit on a subject here and there in a blog post, but the book...the book covers it all, from start to finish. And if you are a partner here looking for information about PMDD and how to live with the woman you love: PMDD: A Handbook for Partners is for you. Click on the book covers in the sidebar for more information.

So be good to yourself today, and every day, and when it comes to chocolate—insist on the good stuff. 

Because you are most definitely worth it.

Happy Valentine's Day, all!

Remember: When it comes to chocolate, the darker, the better.  You might have to work your way up to it (I'm now at 70% cacao), as it can taste bitter at first.  But the darker it is, the better it is for you (and your blood pressure!).  And don't drink milk with it because that interferes with your body's ability to absorb the antioxidants in the chocolate and therefore dims its beneficial/healing effects.

Liana Laverentz is the award-winning author of two books on PMDD, PMDD and Relationships, and PMDD: A Handbook for Partners.  Both books are based on the most asked questions by her readers, and therefore the most popular posts on this blog. Both books are also an excellent resource for understanding your PMDD and for starting a meaningful conversation with loved ones who want to know more about this debilitating disorder we live with daily.   More information on PMDD can also be found on Liana's Facebook page, Living with PMDD.

PMDD Quote of the Week

Women with PMDD want to feel normal,  We don't want to admit there's something going on in our brain that isn't right.  Something that even the medical professionals can't agree on, much less define.  We can find a thousand excuses for why we are so clumsy at times, or so ravenous, or irritable, edgy, disoriented, anxious, or weepy.  We deny and deny and deny there is anything wrong with us, or that we are in any way acting strangely, because to admit that we are doing so means we will have to stop and deal with it somehow, and how can you deal with something that defies description?

Sometimes it's a battle you just don't want to fight. 

From my books, PMDD and Relationships and PMDD: A Handbook for Partners  

Snapping Out with PMDD

Here’s but one small example of how PMDD can affect your life and or relationships. A few weeks ago, my teenage son mentioned a wildly popular movie he’d seen over the weekend, and asked if I wanted to watch it with him. I love watching movies, and love spending time with my son, and was thrilled that he’d thought enough of the movie (and me) to ask so even though I had already seen the movie years before and didn’t particularly care for it, I said, “Sure, honey, we can watch it this weekend.”

For the past twelve years, we’ve enjoyed Movie Night every Sunday evening, as a way to settle in and prepare for the week to come. So he got the movie, and brought it home. A few days later, movie in hand, he asks, “Do you want to watch the movie now?”

And I snapped out on him and told him in no uncertain terms that I did not.

I don’t recall doing it. This is not me. I mean, I’ve watched Winnie the Pooh and Thomas the Tank Engine and Theodore the Tugboat videos over and over and over again. I’ve seen most Disney animated videos at least twice, some several times. For a couple of years, I stopped what I was doing every afternoon to watch the Power Rangers.

I have watched a LOT of shows and movies I might not have felt like watching, but did so because they were age appropriate at the time.

But apparently I changed my mind this time, and I don’t even remember doing so.

A few weeks later, I innocently mentioned to my son in passing that we hadn’t watched the movie yet, and he looked at me and said, “That’s because you said, `I don’t see why I should have to sit through a movie I don’t even like just because you want me to watch it.'"

“I did?” I asked, feeling totally embarrassed. “When did I do that?” “A few days after I first asked you about it and you said it would be okay.” “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t remember doing that. What did you say or do when I did that?” He shrugged and said, “I just figured it was one of your PMDD days and left it alone.”

I’m glad he knew it wasn’t him that caused my snappishness, but still…

“Where’s the movie now?” I asked.

“In my room,” he says.

“You want to watch it?”

He did. We did. It was better than I remembered, but I also remembered why I didn’t like it, as it contained some subject matter I find unpleasant. In addition to that, it had a sad ending.

“You asked me to watch a movie that would make me cry?” I teasingly accused him afterwards, still sniffling.

But he was sniffling, too. It was a good movie, a good moment, and sparked a good conversation about life and death.

And I would have missed that chance to have that conversation with him because of my PMDD.

I try not to look back, but I wonder how many other opportunities like that were missed because of something sharp I said when I didn’t mean to. Worse yet, I wonder how many times I hurt someone’s feelings by snapping out and don’t even remember it.

Because that’s part of PMDD. You get irritable, you snap at people, and don’t even realize you’re doing it. You think you’re behaving normally, until something ugly happens, or someone who feels close enough to you or comfortable enough with you gently points out you may be having an episode. (Which nine times out of ten you will vehemently deny until you realize they are right.)

Or, before either you or they are aware that you have PMDD, they may be less gentle or understanding, and may simply shout, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

You don’t know, they don’t know, and the relationship starts to strain at the seams. If you don’t get help, unless your friend or partner is a total saint or a doormat, the relationship falls apart.

Sound familiar?

Well, take heart in knowing it takes two to make a relationship work and it takes two to bring one to an end. It isn’t and wasn’t completely your fault. When you’re having an episode of PMDD, certain factors are out of your control.

That’s an explanation, not an excuse. (You’ll hear me say this over and over and over again, so get used to it.) You still need to go back and make amends if you’ve hurt someone you care about while your brain was not firing properly. You don’t need to beat yourself up over it. Your rage and irritability and emotional outbursts during an episode of PMDD are as uncontrollable as an allergic reaction. That doesn’t make them or the consequences from them any less painful, but neither does it mean you have to drown yourself in guilt afterward. You simply apologize and do what you can to make up for it.

If your loved ones really love you, they will understand and accept that there are times when you just aren’t yourself.

If you really love them, you’ll do everything in your power to see that those episodes are few and far between.

Tips and hints on how to do that can be found in this blog*, and in my books, PMDD and Relationships, and PMDD: A Handbook for Partners.  Also, if you use Amazon Smile, you can choose the Gia Allemand Foundation and they will receive a donation from Amazon.  Win-Win!

*Use the search box at the top of the page to locate topics you are interested in reading more about.  Type in the subject, and if I have written anything about it, a list of posts will appear.  This will save you a lot of time spent scrolling past stuff you're not interested in.