For Valentine's Day, a
post about chocolate (and a few other things), first written in 2009, but updated and still relevant today.
Having come freshly off a week of spending up close and
personal time with my evil twin, who kicked my butt so badly the last day she
was here I had to take a three-hour nap in the middle of the day, on top of
getting a full night's sleep, today I feel uber-qualified to write about how it
feels to experience PMDD. The thing is, now that the episode (aka her latest
visit) is over, it's the last thing I want to think about.
I look around and see all that didn't get done over the week,
the laundry piling up, the floors that need to be cleaned, the clutter of all I
didn't feel up to coping with and simply set aside, and would much rather
regain some semblance of control over my life—if only its external appearance—than
write about the dark place I inhabited for eight full days and change this time
around.
Why such a long visit this time? I think I know. I think it
had something to do with my recent road trip: the stress of travel, the staying
up later than usual, sleeping in strange environments, the change in diet, the
miniscule amount of alcohol consumed, although in comparison to my usual
alcohol intake, it was a big jump. Add that to the copious amounts of caffeine
I consumed while on the road, the pasta-heavy fare at the conference, and I
think I'm getting the picture. At home, I'm usually alcohol and caffeine
free-or close to it. An occasional cup of coffee, usually one cup of
caffeinated tea in the morning, if I feel the need, and chocolate only when
"the cravings" come. I hadn't
had pasta or bread in weeks before the conference.
Why? All of these are bad for women with PMDD. Caffeine,
alcohol, sugar, flour, hence the bread and pasta. But why am I so sensitive to their effects? I know
women who practically live on caffeine and sugar, others who drink freely,
others who love their bread and pasta. Is it possible they feel as miserable as
I do, or more so, but deny their misery and continue to self-medicate with food
and drink?
Because attempts to self-medicate is what these addictions
(for lack of a better word) are. My research is showing there are very few true
physical addictions in life. Most compulsions are emotionally or
psychologically based. Only in rare cases is an addiction physiological.
That's not to say we can't get cravings. But cravings are
cravings, temporary urges for some kind of substance to relieve our mental,
emotional, or physical discomfort. Cravings are not addictions, although when
you are in the throes of one, it can feel like an addiction. But as someone
writing a book on dealing with addiction recently pointed out to me,
"You're not going to stick a gun in someone's face for a piece of
cake."
So why do we reach for chocolate? It's as much for the
emotional fix as the nutrients needed. More confusion arises when we don't know
the difference between types of chocolate, due to the marketing and advertising
claims of their manufacturers. Manufacturers is the key word here. Quality
chocolates from true chocolatiers abound with the beneficial properties of
chocolate. True dark chocolate is a rich source of flavanoids and antioxidants,
with the cacao bean containing more than twice as many antioxidants the
so-called superfoods like blueberries, kale, spinach, or broccoli.
It's the cheap, mass-marketed brands that—while they may
contain tiny amounts of chocolate's beneficial properties—have processed most
of the antioxidants and flavanoids right out of the chocolate. To derive any
benefit from eating these lower quality chocolates, you need to eat way more
than is healthy for you. When this happens, the negatives outweigh the
positives—and you could end up outweighing all your friends.
Meanwhile you're bewildered, thinking, "Chocolate is
supposed to be good for me, right? Milk is supposed to be healthy for me. Isn't
that what the ads say? By eating chocolate and drinking milk, I'm doing
something good for my body, right? So why do I feel so miserable?"
Because all the chocolate in the world isn't going to solve
your problems, honey, and while I may crave it like mad at times, neither is it
going to make my PMDD go away. For all its mood-enhancing abilities, even the
finest Belgian chocolate won't "cure" dysphoria.
Dysphoric is the opposite of euphoric. Euphoric means happy,
dysphoric means depressed. As in depression. But only pre-menstrually, which I
suppose can be considered a blessing.
In some atypical cases, however, the dysphoria can come
AFTER a woman begins her period. Lucky me, I'm atypical. Mine usually starts on
Day 3, if it's going to come. It doesn't always come. Which is what drives me
batty, trying to keep on top of what I need to do—or to avoid—to keep it from
returning.
I lead too full and rich a life to keep being knocked flat
by this unwelcome change in my body. It makes me feel like I'm constantly
behind—on everything.
As women, we all know "it will never get done,"
but to have something come along and steal a full week or more out of your
month, something that no matter what you do or don't do seems to be totally
beyond your control...it's more than frustrating. It's crazymaking.
I'm here to tell you you're not crazy. I'm here to tell you
there are scientifically proven physiological reasons for why you crave the
things you do—like carbs—and what happens to your body as a result of that. I'm
here to tell you there's help, and hope, but it's far from easy, living in a
body that seems to have a will of its own at times, and a manufacturing and
marketing culture that promotes unhealthy foods as healthy because of their
base ingredients, while completely ignoring the toxic effects of their
processing processes.
That said, the first step is to forgive yourself for falling short of your own expectations, and to
understand that what is happening to you is as involuntary a response as an
allergic reaction. You cannot control it. You can try to soften it, to be sure,
by living a universally healthy lifestyle (once you understand what that truly
is) but you cannot control it.
Nor can you deny it and simply plow through it, as most
women do. We have commitments, responsibilities, schedules, and deadlines. We
have people counting on us to be there for them.
But first, we have to learn how to be there for ourselves.
My book
PMDD and Relationships, addresses this topic in detail. I can hit on a subject
here and there in a blog post, but the book...the book covers it all, from
start to finish. And if you are a partner here looking for information about
PMDD and how to live with the woman you love:
PMDD: A Handbook for Partners is
for you. Click on the book covers in the sidebar for more information.
So be good to yourself today, and every day, and when it
comes to chocolate—insist on the good stuff.
Because you are most definitely worth it.
Happy Valentine's Day, all!
Remember: When it
comes to chocolate, the darker, the better.
You might have to work your way up to it (I'm now at 70% cacao), as it
can taste bitter at first. But the
darker it is, the better it is for you (and your blood pressure!).
And don't drink milk with it because that interferes with your body's ability to absorb the antioxidants in the chocolate and therefore dims its beneficial/healing effects.
Liana Laverentz is the award-winning author of two books on PMDD, PMDD and Relationships, and PMDD: A Handbook for Partners. Both books are based on the most asked questions by her readers, and therefore the most popular posts on this blog. Both books are also an excellent resource for understanding your PMDD and for starting a meaningful conversation with loved ones who want to know more about this debilitating disorder we live with daily. More information on PMDD can also
be found on Liana's Facebook
page, Living with PMDD.
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